6 Months
by Gr8d8
Summary: My version of Emily's 'death' and the events that follow.
1. Chapter 1

It had been six months. Six months since Ian Doyle came back into her life. Came back and took what little life she actually had. A life she had slowly been rebuilding and carefully reconstructing after 7 years in deep cover living a lie. A return to normalcy, a sense of belonging, a sense of family. All the things that she never really had growing up. All the things she gave up during her time with Interpol. All the things she thought could be hers after he was captured and imprisoned several years ago.

Now she was undercover once again only she was the hunted and left feeling like the criminal. Dying would have been a better outcome for her and her team. They were her family and she had hurt that family and placed them in danger. Dying would have been a better outcome for JJ. Jennifer, her best friend, the closest to family Emily ever had. It was the best, most open relationship she ever had. Open. That's a relative term. Open was something Emily Prentiss was not. Her armor and protective emotional covering was always in place; years of careful construction going back to childhood and fortified during her career. Open really meant not completely closed off. Not completely closed off meant very small and brief displays of emotion, showing on occasions she was human.

Keeping her emotions in check was especially hard around the former Media Liaison. During the three years they worked together the feelings for the beautiful blond dominated her thoughts and tortured her soul. Emily focused daily on pushing her true feelings for the blond aside. It was difficult to do so when she also worked to ensure their friendship be cultivated into a very tight, trusting bond. She chastised herself at the fact she had allowed herself to fall in love with JJ. It became easier to manage those feelings once JJ took her post with the State Department. Not having to see her every day enabled Emily to function and maintain focus at work. Yet, she missed the unspoken understanding they always had throughout their work days. They knew when a case had delved too deep into each other's hearts and minds. When the horrors of what they saw were almost too much bare or had hit too close to home. For Emily it was always the cases involving children. For JJ it was those involving young, innocent women. Many reminding JJ of her rural Pennsylvania upbringing; where life was simple, uncomplicated. And when those difficult and horrible cases presented themselves each was available to the other with an understanding look, word, or touch. They often spent time together after cases and would assist each other in the decompression over drinks, mindless television, or just in each other's quiet company.

JJ's departure to the State Department did not detract from the time they spent together outside of work. Despite the pressures and time requirements of their jobs they continued to find time for their friendship. The kept in touch regularly through daily text messages and typically spent at least one day a week in each other's company. In her quiet moments Emily would allow her fantasies to take over and imagine what it would be like to touch Jennifer, to fully be with her, to have a life with her and her alone. Emily knew it wasn't a possibility and never considered broaching the subject despite the occasional sign or vibe she received from JJ. Those signs - casual touches, glances on the plane or across the conference table - were likely a fabrication of her own mind. JJ loved her she knew, but as a friend, nothing more. And Emily would rather have that friendship because something was absolutely better than nothing at all.

_Six Months ago_

Six months ago it had been JJ who met her at the café in Paris with passports, bank account details, and instructions. JJ shared the details of the plan which had been executed successfully once they found her and rushed her to the hospital after being impaled by Doyle. According to JJ, she was the only one of the team who knew she had lived. Even Hotch had been kept out of the loop. To the team and her family Emily Prentiss was dead, a funeral was held, and Ian Doyle was still at large. JJ explained they were searching for him but he had again fallen off the grid.

"We should have captured him. We should have known he was in the states before you did." she said quietly, almost a whisper. "Morgan blames himself. He said he was too distracted getting you medical assistance that he lost focus and allowed Doyle to get away." JJ took a deep breath trying to compose herself and looked at the woman in front of her.

" I'm so sorry Emily, you shouldn't have to live this way. No one deserves what you've been through. Especially you."

Emily could not make eye contact. It was too much. Sitting here with Jennifer, listening to her apologize and hearing Morgan blamed himself. It was all she could do to keep her emotions in check.

"The team will not quit until he's captured." JJ went on. "I won't quit. I refuse to quit on you, Emily. I will use every resource I have access to in order to get you back home. I know you feel you let us down, that you put us all in danger. We know you did what you did was to keep us all safe. That you never wanted your past to impact any of us."

JJ continued to look at Emily but Emily refused to lift her head. As JJ started to go on, she saw what she believed to be a tear fall to the table. She knew Emily was fighting to keep herself composed, maintaining her walls and compartments, staying strong.

"We expect contact from you once every month using a disposable cellular phone. You will need to purchase one for each contact. Dial this number and simply state one of the following and hang up." JJ provided the phrasing. "If we have a message for you we will find you based upon your credit card use. You must make a credit card coffee purchase at least once a week and return to that same café the next day. We will locate the coffee house and will contact you there on the following day if needed."

" There is a cell phone in the envelope. Keep it with you at all times. We will only use it to contact you in a dire emergency. Otherwise it is not to be used. There is also a safe address listed. Only go there if you believe you have been found out by Doyle or any of his team."

Emily nodded her understanding still not looking at JJ. She knew if she looked up she would lose all control and the tears she had been holding back would fall uncontrollably.

JJ continued to look at Emily not sure what more to say. She loved Emily and while she never led on, she always felt what they had was more than friendship. In the last year JJ began to realize she cared more deeply for Emily than simply that of a friend. It wasn't until she took the post at the State Department that she realized just how much she cared for her. That is also when she began to picture herself with Emily. Once she realized the feelings were more than friendship JJ's attraction to Emily grew by the day. JJ had been with women before, but when she joined the BAU her personal life took a backseat to the job and she never really dated. Because Emily was always so guarded it was impossible to fully get a sense for what she suspected were feelings that went beyond friendship as well. Like Emily, JJ never wanted to do anything to jeopardize the friendship by pushing the issue. Thinking back it was probably very odd that neither of them ever spoke about their love lives or dating. In fact JJ couldn't recall a time when either of the ever really brought up the subject. Sure, if they were out they would play along and flirt with the occasional guys who might buy them drinks or ask them to dance. Garcia used to joke that if either of them got married they would have to disclose the fact that they came as a package since they were seemingly inseparable.

As they both sat there at the cafe unsure what to say, JJ and Emily each recalled the Saturday before Emily learned Doyle was free and looking for her.

_6 months and one week ago_

It was a Friday night. Emily and the team had just wrapped up two back to back cases, both of which involving children. The most recent had landed Emily in the hospital. She had been beaten badly by the Unsub when she was able to trick him into letting the six year old girl he held captive go. The case ended as well as they could have hoped, however, Emily had several cuts, bruises, and a mild concussion. Morgan had reached out to JJ while waiting for Emily at the hospital to to let her know what her friend had been through. JJ figured Emily would want some time to herself when she returned, so she planned to drop by on Saturday and allow her to have her Friday night to relax and unwind on her own. She texted Emily and told her she was glad she was ok and that she would drop by with coffee and pastries in the morning.

While on the flight back Emily couldn't help but think about the last several days. Oddly her thoughts weren't on the fact she had come dangerously close to being seriously hurt or killed. She was consumed with thoughts about JJ. While being kicked around by the Unsub during those 15 minutes between freeing the girl her team kicking in the door was JJ. Emily consciously decided she needed to be strong so she could get home to her friend. And as she sat in the plane thinking back to those moments earlier in the day she knew she had a moment of clarity. She needed to tell JJ the truth and take the chance that maybe JJ felt the same way. The next time she might not be so lucky.

When they landed in DC a large smile crossed Emily's face as she read JJ's text. _Try to get some rest tonight. I'll be by with coffee and your favorite sweet treats in the morning. Glad your ok, I've missed you these last two weeks._

'Tomorrow I tell her.' Emily thought.

That night Emily's dreams were full of nightmares. Usually she could put all of the horrors of her job aside and pack all the ugliness into one of her compartments. She had been physically hurt before. This was not her first physical run-in with an Unsub. She could always get past the situation or the case pretty quickly. Not tonight.

The nightmare's that would sometimes come were even more lifelike than usual. She was back in the basement with the Unsub only JJ was with her. Rather than Emily, it was JJ being beaten while Emily stood there helplessly without her weapon. In the dream Emily couldn't move, her body seemed heavy and all she could do was watch while he continually beat JJ. There was blood splattered on the walls from the continuous hits to JJ's head. At one point JJ mouthed 'help me' and looked at Emily with those big blue beautiful eyes that were rife with fear. Emily wanted to come to her aid but she could only sit and watch helplessly. Then she did the only thing she could do; she began to scream. She kept screaming, screaming JJ's name.

JJ had let herself in when the brunette did not answer her door. She figured Emily must be in the shower or still asleep. When she entered the house she heard something in the bedroom. Assuming Emily was still in bed watching television she made her way to the kitchen to get a plate for the goodies she bought at the bakery. As she approached the cupboards, she heard what was clearly Emily's voice. She was yelling and sounded like crying. With a hand on her weapon JJ ran upstairs and carefully pushed Emily's bedroom door open.

JJ opened the door to find Emily wrapped up in her sheets screaming into her pillow. She was was in a full sweat and her legs were thrashing wildly. JJ ran over to the far side of the bed, sat down, and tried to gently wake her.

"Emily, it's JJ. Em it's me. Wake up sweetie, wake up. It's just a dream." JJ gently shook Emily at the shoulders.

"No, no. Stop. Please let her go!" Emily shouted. JJ reached out and brushed the hair from Emily's face.

"Emily, it's alright, it's me JJ. " JJ continued to stoke Emily's hair and within a few seconds Emily opened her eyes.

"Emily it's ok, it's me, JJ. It's just a dream." JJ said softly while she stroked Emily's hair.

"JJ?" Emily looked up breathing heavily. "Wha…what time is it?"

"Emily, it's 9:30. I let myself in when you didn't answer the door." JJ said keeping her hand in Emily's hair.

Emily looked around, blinked a few times, and caught her breath. She remembered the dream. She was embarrassed JJ found her like this and was now acutely aware of how close JJ was to her. Of how she smelled and the feel of her hand in her hair. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, leaning a bit into JJ's touch. JJ put her other hand on Emily's and began to rub the back of her knuckles. Emily kept her eyes closed for just a few more seconds, enjoying the feeling of JJ's closeness wanting it to continue. She opened her eyes only to find JJ's blue ones staring into hers full of fear and worry.

"Emily, what were you dreaming about?"

" I… I don't remember." She lied. She couldn't tell her. Couldn't tell her about the dream. And in that split second decided she could not tell JJ about her feelings. JJ was a concerned friend, nothing more. All the will and bravado from the night before around telling JJ the truth was gone. She needed her friend and knew her friend would always be here for her. She couldn't afford to lose that. She needed to have JJ in her life and was willing to have her any way she could. It would be better than not at all.

" I can't believe you don't remember. It sounded so vivid. Are you ok?" asked JJ.

"Yeah, it was just a dream. Not sure what about. Must be the concussion messing with my head." Emily forced a bit of a laugh as she said it.

JJ became very aware of the fact she still had her hands on Emily. She wanted desperately to pull her into a an embrace and hold her. In fact JJ was so overcome with the need to pull Emily closer tears welled up in her eyes. Emily noticed the emotion in JJ's eyes and immediately got up, breaking contact with the blond. She did not want JJ to feel sorry for her.

"Sorry for the scare."

"It's ok. We all have those dreams. I'm not surprised after the last few weeks you have had." Fact is JJ was a bit surprised. She had never seen Emily look ...

well terrified.

"Let me take a quick shower and I'll be right downstairs. I assume you have coffee and pastries as promised?" Emily asked with a grin.

"Of course. Goodies as promised." JJ replied.

"ok, gimme 5."

"Sure take your time, Em." JJ answered and got up off the bed. " I'll see you downstairs."

JJ walked downstairs wondering how easily Emily seems to turn on and off her emotions. One minute she looked like a very scared little girl, then the next like nothing ever happened. That type of behavior was nothing new, although this is the first time JJ actually thought Emily looked scared.

Emily rarely opened up. Sure she was caring, loving, and the best friend JJ ever had but she never fully let on about her fears or concerns. JJ sighed. 'Maybe I'll push her a little bit. Maybe I can get her to talk. She clearly is not dealing well with the last few days. If she would talk about it maybe she can put it past her'

Emily finished her shower and quickly got dressed. She was still cursing herself for letting JJ see her that vulnerable. Then she laughed at the thoughts she had last night about telling JJ her feelings. Clearly the hit to the head was having an impact on her ability to think clearly. 'Sure Prentiss why don't you risk the best relationship you have and tell her you love her. Hey JJ, thanks for coming over and waking me from this awful dream where I was watching you get your ass kicked while I did nothing to help you. I really appreciate the coffee. By the way I'm head over heels in love with you and have been since the day I met you. I hope we can still be friends." Emily shook her head and made her way downstairs.

As she got to the bottom step she saw JJ at the kitchen table. Blond hair spilled gently over her face as she was looking at her blackberry. As Emily approached she noticed the pretty blue button down shirt that was unbuttoned enough to get a glimpse of JJ's ample cleavage. 'Oh my god she is gorgeous. What I could do to her on that table." Again Emily shook her head

JJ looked up and smiled. " Everything ok?"

" Yeah, much better. The shower helped. I probably shouldn't have had that glass of wine when I got home last night. Concussion plus alcohol is probably not the best combo, huh? So what are we doing today? Lunch, shopping, a movie? You've probably had a busy week too. How about you pick and I buy. I'm so happy it's finally Saturday it's my treat!."

JJ just stared at Emily, blue eyes looking intently into Emily's. JJ didn't say anything, just looked at Emily for what felt like several minutes.

"Hello? JJ, you there?" Emily joked waving her hands.

"How do you do it?" JJ asked quietly.

"Do what?" Emily raised her eyebrows.

"How do you always mange to turn it off. To pretend none of this bothers you? To always have the strength to move on and put the horrible things you see and experience behind you? I mean you were beaten not 24 hours ago, clearly did not get a good nights sleep and now you want to talk about movies and shopping? "

JJ went on. " I know for both of us just spending time together, in the company of someone who understands is usually enough. I get that because I know talking about means re-living it. But my god, Emily. It's not healthy. Can't you once just let your guard down and let me in? Really in to help you. You do it for me. You are always there for me."

Silence.

"Emily you don't have to put on this front all the time for me. I know what this job does to people. I've never seen anyone so able to flip the switch like you can."

By now Emily had turned away from JJ and was staring out the window. After a few seconds she replied. "I guess I just compartmentalize better than most. I've been this way my whole life. Taught myself at a young age to control my emotions and to simply move past things. It's how I deal. I don't really know any other way."

JJ didn't respond. Emily didn't dare turn around. She knew JJ was right but she knew if she let herself think about the last few weeks, combined with her feelings for JJ, she would fall apart. And if she fell apart there was no telling what she would say. So she stood there staring out the window not saying anything trying very hard to keep her emotions in check. She sighed and rubbed her head to help maintain that composure

She didn't hear JJ get up but after a minute or so, she felt JJ's hand on her shoulder. Emily didn't react at first but then JJ began rubbing her back gently. Emily tensed but after a bit she relaxed to JJ's touch.

"I know you prefer to be strong. It's who you are and what makes you so good at your job. We aren't on the job right now. Emily you don't need to go through life alone and not talk to anyone. Look we've known each a long time. You can trust me, you know that right?"

Emily nodded. JJ's soothing voice and touch were undoing her and it was becoming very hard to maintain her composure. Tears had formed in her eyes and she was fighting mightily to hold them back. Not just because of what had happened this week, but for all the feelings she had kept bottled inside for the young blond.

"Emily turn around."

Emily slowly turned around but kept her head down.

JJ put her fingers to Emily's chin and gently nudged her head up. As she looked into Emily's eyes she saw the tears welling up there. She again saw a vulnerability she hadn't seen before. If JJ ever needed a gut check to validate how she felt about Emily she got her answer right now. He eyes were drawn to the brunette's lips and she wanted nothing more than to kiss her. To kiss the pain away and to give her a promise to always be there for her. Instead she put her hand on Emily's cheek and with her thumb wiped the first tear that had escaped from those beautiful brown eyes.

" Emily you are my best friend and I love you. You mean the world to me and it kills me to think you might be hurting and are too proud to talk to me." JJ stopped and again wiped Emily's cheek.

Emily's composure was waning. JJ said she loved her. It was the first time she said it even though they had been friends for so long. She swore she saw a flicker of something more than friendship when JJ spook the words. She wanted to pull JJ into her arms, to feel her close. She felt JJ could see right through her and see all the love that she had for the blond. She opened her mouth but nothing came out.

JJ sensing Emily's discomfort pulled her in for an embrace. "I'm here for you. Always. Don't ever doubt our friendship. I love you Emily Prentiss. Whether you like it or not you're stuck with me."

With JJ's body wrapped tightly around her, Emily completely came undone and allowed herself to cry in JJ's arms. She cried for all the emotional weight that she had carried with her for so long. She knew she shouldn't but she couldn't stop. JJ's arms around her felt so right, so safe. At some point they sat on the couch still embraced.

JJ held Emily as tightly as she could. Her neck was wet with Emily's tears. She never ever thought Emily Prentiss would allow herself to let go. It felt so right to hold her, so natural to be in her arms. She put her lips to Emily's forehead and kissed her gently. JJ scolded herself silently for even thinking selfishly about how it felt to hold Emily. Her friend needed her support and she didn't need to be distracted by her senseless fantasies of the life she really wanted with Emily.

Emily eventually pulled away and wiped her eyes. She looked at JJ and her big blue eyes held all the promise of love and friendship she had just articulated. Emily felt loved, and even if it wasn't the love she wanted, it was love nonetheless.

"Thank you." Emily whispered. " Jen, everything you said… I.. I feel the same and I'm here for you too. Always."

Jen. That sounded so nice JJ thought.

"Promise me you will always tell me when your compartments get too full. Deal?"

Emily nodded. " I promise. But I can't always promise I will always talk about it."

JJ smiled. "I'll take that promise. "

Emily looked around the room unsure of what else to say. She found herself staring at the floor cursing how weak she was for allowing so much of her emotions to surface in front of JJ. Sensing that Emily was extremely uncomfortable, JJ smiled and jumped from the couch. " Well I guess we need to start with breakfast since the coffee is probably cold by now."

Emily laughed. "Breakfast sounds great. I can't remember when I ate last"

"Em, afterwards how about we just hang out and watch some movies and order in some pizza? Let's try to do as little as possible today. Sound good?"

"Sounds like a great plan to me." Emily said as she got up.

As planned they spent the day simply hanging out and enjoying each other's company. Conversation was kept light but that's what both of them needed. They each had the quiet comfort of sitting next to each other the couch. Emily fell asleep halfway through the movie and ended up with her head in JJ's lap. Emily slept for almost two hours while JJ gently brushed her hair with her hands. JJ knew she shouldn't, but could not help herself and hoped Emily wouldn't think anything more of it than a friendly gesture. Emily woke up to JJ's light stroking and couldn't help but think it had been the best sleep she ever had.

_6 Months ago_

As both woman thought back to that Saturday they knew they couldn't afford to reminisce too much longer. Sitting here too long would be dangerous. Emily had still not lifted her head.

"Do you have any questions? Is there anything else you need?" JJ asked not wanting to say goodbye.

Emily shook her head and whispered. "Thank you. I'm sorry you had to do this."

"Please do not apologize Emily. None of this is your fault."

Emily finally looked up. JJ reached over and placed a hand over hers. Tears were streaming down JJ's face at this point.

"We will get him and you will come home. I promise I will do everything to make that happen as quickly as possible. It's not like best friends grow on trees." JJ gave a weak smile.

Emily offered a smile and allowed a tear to fall. She wanted desperately to tell JJ everything she felt but she just couldn't. " You have given me more than you will ever know Jennifer. The last three years would have been miserable without you in my life. I love you. "

JJ let out a small sob. Emily had never referred to her a Jennifer. She wanted to tell Emily how she really felt, not knowing when or if she would see her again. But Emily had much bigger problems at the moment. JJ didn't want to add to the list of things Emily had to process.

Taking a deep breath and giving Emily's hand a gentle squeeze, " Good luck. Be safe."

Emily stood up and looked intently into JJ's eyes trying to silently say everything she felt. She reached out and gave JJ's shoulder a firm squeeze then she turned and walked away. JJ watched her leave and watched the person she loved most disappear into the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for the positive reinforcement. My first fanfic and no beta. Still figuring out where this is going but have the next chapter close to completion.

Since the day Emily walked away from JJ in Paris her thoughts were consumed with two things. JJ and finding Doyle. Emily had spent the last several months quietly leveraging her European contacts on Doyle's whereabouts without success. She began to wonder why she continued to run and hide. What kind of life was this? The days were beginning to run together. They were spent tracking contacts but she had to be careful not to leave a trail, which meant she was always moving around. Fortunately the funding provided to keep her safe allowed her to roam Europe without any trouble. Not that her expenses were much. She spent her time primarily moving between Prague, Paris, Rome checking in as she was instructed,. Over the last several weeks she started to wish she would be contacted with some news from the State Department. Any news would be welcome. But after each return to a cafe no one was there to speak to her. Her telephonic check ins were the same… simply report you were safe and hang up. No one at the other end only a recorder.

And while she tried to keep busy her thoughts continued to go to JJ. Wishing and often dreaming of an existence which included having all of the woman she loved. Had she made a mistake by not telling JJ how she felt?

After a long day ruminating over this fact and feeling sorry for herself, she found herself in a bar in Prague. She had previously committed to the notion she would not use alcohol to manage through her current existence fearful doing so would lead to weak moments and perhaps compromise her cover. However, today was different. She not only craved the alcohol on her lips, but she had virtually no contact with anyone since her arrival in Europe. So any personal contact or light conversation to take her mind away from the current situation was needed even if it were found in a bar.

The bar she selected was a small cellar bar near the Vltava River. There were only two other patrons in the establishment sitting at a corner table deep in conversation. She approached the bar and ordered a vodka on the rocks barely looking at the bartender. Once she was settled on her stool she finally looked up to fully take in her surroundings. As she scanned the room, she heard the drink being poured in front of her. The bartender, a woman in her early 30's, offered a friendly smile. While not fluent by any means, Emily thanked the woman in Czech. The woman smiled warmly and replied.

" You are american?" she asked.

Emily looked at her briefly and asked in Czech why she thought she was American.

The bartender laughed and said, " I've served many people so I am usually able to spot a American. I also spent several years in New York City in my 20's." Her English was quite good.

Emily smiled. "Of course."

"Are you visiting?"

"Yes, for business mostly." Technically that wasn't a lie since none of this was for pleasure.

"My name is Anna"

"I'm Sara."

For about two hour Emily and Anna made small talk and for the first time in a long while Emily felt normal. As they spoke Anna, seemingly thankful for the company, continued to fill Emily's glass. Emily knew she should watch her alcohol consumption but she was staying only 2 blocks from the bar and there were only a few people in the establishment. By all accounts it was safe. So throwing caution to the wind she pushed her glass forward for yet another. As Anna poured her fifth shot she asked,

"So, is there a special someone for you? "

Emily sighed then smiled. " Sort of. To me they are special."

"They don't find you special?" Anna asked raising her eyebrows.

" Well, in some ways. We are good friends. Great friends actually."

Anna didn't say anything at first taking in the few comments Emily had made. Then it hit her. "Ah ha! I see!"

"What?"

" You are in love with your best friend. And since you referred to them as_ they _it must be a woman?" Anna stated fairly proud of her assessment.

Emily looked down at the bar. She was not prepared to have this conversation and had not shared any of her feelings on the matter with anyone. The vodka was beginning to take effect and she could feel the warm fog beginning to settle over her. The mere fact the discussion was about JJ forced certain emotions to the surface. Melancholy began to rear it's ugly self and she now found herself fighting back tears.

Seeing a clear shift in Emily's emotions Anna apologized. "I'm sorry, I did not mean to upset you."

Emily took a deep breath and looked up. " You didn't. You are one hell of a bartender."

"I talk to a lot of people and everyone has problems. Most find it easier to talk to someone they don't know."

Emily smiled. "I'm sure you've heard some really good stories."

Anna laughed. " You have no idea." Pausing for a bit. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's not much to talk about. I don't want to take the chance she doesn't fee the same and ruin the friendship."

"But what if she is the One? How do you manage through not knowing for sure?"

"I just bury it from myself, try to keep moving ahead, and be the best friend I can for her. It's better than nothing. At least this way I have part of her."

Anna eyed the vodka. " You don't seem to be burying it tonight. What do you have to lose? If she is your friend, as good a friend as you say then it will be ok."

Emily shook her head.

" Honestly, what is the worst that can happen? That she doesn't feel the same? As bad as that sounds it sure seems like it's better than not knowing at all and walking through life wondering _what if. _At least then you really could move on."

Emily looked at Anna. She was right. What was the worst that could happen? She was already in hell living a life that wasn't even her own. "Maybe you're right."

"I know I am. Now put the glass down and go do something about it. "

"Thank you."

"No problem. Be sure to come see me when you are back in town. And if she turns you down I might know someone who would be interested." Anna said with a wink.

Emily laughed. " I will."

As Emily made her way to her hotel she thought long and hard about what to do. She had nothing to lose, right? If she never made it out of her current situation she could die never having revealed her true feelings.

When Emily got to her room, she opened her computer and typed the following:

_**J, **_

_**Do you remember the Saturday morning at my house when you made me promise I would tell you when my compartments were full? I remember. I remember I tried to push you away that day but you wouldn't let me. You know me so well. You knew I needed your shoulder whether I wanted it or not.**_

_**I'm writing to make good on that promise. My compartments are overflowing. Not because of my current situation, although that does consume quite a bit of space.**_

_**Our friendship means the world to me and I cherish all the time we've spent and all we have shared. But I have not been completely honest with you and the weight of what I have withheld is becoming too much to bear. At the risk of losing so much I am choosing to be truthful.**_

_**I love you J. You are and always will be my best friend and the closest to family I have ever had. The problem is I don't just love you. I am in love with you and have been for some time. **_

_**Yes, you read that right. The "I want to spend the rest of my life with you' in love with you.**_

_**The very real prospect of never seeing you again combined with the notion I never shared my true feelings has weighed heavily these last few months. I so wanted to tell you that Saturday morning but was too afraid.**_

_**I hope you can forgive me and will still consider me a friend. I wish you nothing but happiness. You are the most special woman I have ever met and you deserve nothing less.**_

_**All my love.**_

Emily did not sign the letter. JJ would know who it was from. Remaining sensitive to her cover she did not email the letter, rather she went to Frankfurt the next day and mailed it. This would be the first and only time she would visit Germany.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanksfor the reviews. Still formulating a grand plan for the ultimate direction of the story. I'm not as happy with this chapter as I was with previous two. I'm open to suggestions and feedback. Thanks!

JJ looked up from the file she was reviewing. Her thoughts again floating back to Emily. She was giving an update this afternoon to key Pentagon officials regarding a Department of Defense initiative in the Middle East and had to keep focused. After six months she expected the thoughts of Emily to dissipate. That wasn't happening. The more time that went by the more JJ was consumed with thoughts of Emily.

She enjoyed her work at the Pentagon and was surprised that she did. The truth is she was never happier to have the position as she had access to more resources to ensure Emily's safety and to locate Doyle. In fact, unbeknownst to the BAU, there was an actual tactical team assigned to tracking and locating Ian Doyle within the Pentagon. Their motivation to find him had little to do with Emily. Doyle was a former Captain in the Provisional Irish Republican Army. His illegal activities with a breakaway faction of the army are what originally attracted the attention of Interpol and continues to be of concern to the Department of Defense. It has landed him on their most wanted list.

JJ relished the idea that Doyle was a priority for so many and her position allowed her access to information regarding their progress in locating him. In addition, her role in helping to hide Emily allowed her access to the regular updates on her status. Despite that access, JJ did have to be careful regarding how much she pushed for details on both fronts. Despite her knowledge that Emily was ok and Doyle was being sought, it wasn't enough most days. She was constantly wondering about Emily. Where was she? Was she safe? How was she coping? Was she searching for Doyle herself? Most of all, she was just missing her friend never mind her real feelings for the brunette that had not faded since she 'died." Despite feelings which ran deeper than friendship, JJ really missed the companionship of the one person who really understood her. She had lost count of the nights she cried herself to sleep or laid awake in bed thinking about her. In the past she had forced her thoughts and fantasies of the life she wanted with Emily out of her mind. But as time passed without seeing or speaking to her friend she found some solace in allowing her mind to wander to a life she desired with Emily. Most nights she would imagine Emily was lying beside her, holding her, loving her.

Fortunate to have plenty of work to keep her mind active she was able to keep herself and her thoughts occupied most of the work day. She would wrap up this debrief, deliver it, and then go home for the day where she would resume working from the comfort of her back porch.

Upon arriving home, JJ went about her usual routine which included checking her mail before making her way up the stairs to her condo. She grabbed the stash without paying much attention and made her way. After dropping her keys she walked to the shredder and began going through the mass of unwanted magazines, advertisements, credit card applications, etc.. Because of the thinness of one envelope in particular she nearly threw it out assuming it wasn't actually mail. But as she moved it toward the shredder she realized it was a pink and blue, light weight envelope used for mailing internationally. As she reviewed the document her breath caught in her throat. "Emily?" She whispered. She did know of anyone else outside the country who would write her.

JJ dropped the rest of the mail and made her way to the living room sofa where she reviewed the outside of the envelope. Frankfurt, Germany. JJ knew from the regular contact Emily had with the DOD she never checked in from any locations within Germany. It must have been intentional.

Upon opening the envelope she excitedly looked for hints of Emily's sweeping handwriting. Initially disappointed she noted it had been typed and printed. Opening the note she read the brief message. JJ re-read the note at least 5 times before she realized she had tears streaming down her face. Squeezing her eyes shut she grabbed a sofa pillow and hugged it tightly as if trying to actually turn it into Emily. "Oh,God. I love you to Em. So much"

After about 30 minutes she opened the end table drawer and pulled out a book. Since Emily had left she had committed to reading every Kurt Vonnegut book as he was Emily's favorite. She pulled out her copy of Breakfast of Champions and opened to the back page where she pulled out a picture of her and Emily. It was a picture taken at last summer's FBI outing in a park not far from Quantico. She and Emily had just won the two-woman volleyball tournament and had arms wrapped around each other with beers held high in celebration. It had been such a fun day. She had no idea how competitive Emily really was until they signed up as a team.

"I miss you so much." JJ spoke to the picture." I should have told you how I felt that night in Paris."

JJ laid back down clutching the pillow wishing it were Emily.

An hour or so later JJ got up and began pacing the living room. JJ knew Emily was probably regretting having sent it by now. Emily always seemed to regret opening up even the slightest bit. _This must be killing her_! She had to find a way to speak to Emily or at the very least let her know tell her she feels the same. But how? She didn't want to raise eyebrows by asking too much at the Pentagon. At the same time they were the ones who suggested JJ be the one to meet her in Paris. It's well known they are friends and that JJ was as close to her as anyone.

After a few minutes JJ decided she would contact the agent responsible for tracking Emily tomorrow. Maybe she could find a way in. Find a way to communicate with her.

That night JJ drifted asleep knowing her fantasies were no longer a fantasy.

"Parker." The agent stated answering his phone.

"Jeff, it's JJ. Do you have a few minutes this morning?"

"Yeah, I can make some time around 10am. What's this about?"

"It's about Who not what." JJ replied.

"I understand. Meet me on the benches outside at 10am."

About an hour later JJ joined Jeff Parker outside. They sat at a bench far from the sidewalk.

"Jeff, I know I shouldn't ask…" JJ started

"JJ I'm actually surprised you hadn't before. I know you like to play it by the book, but I don't blame you for wanting to know how she is. I know you guys are friends."

"Have you seen her? Has anyone."

"Yes, she has been checking in as she should. About every other week we have one of our friends at Interpol go by and see her at the cafés she stops at. Here." Jeff reached in his pocket and produced a computer print. "I brought you a picture from two weeks ago."

JJ studied the photo. It was definitely Emily. If it was possible she seemed thinner. She was sitting alone with a book in hand but it was clear she wasn't reading it. Suddenly JJ felt ill and rubbed her temples. Jeff, sensing her concern spoke. "JJ, she's ok. In fact, we will probably need to contact her very soon."

"Doyle?" She looked up eyes widened.

"Possibly. After extensive searches and background checks into his men that died the night Emily "died" we ran across a few leads. We think he may be in Turkey. One of the men involved with him owned a building that we believe was being used as a weapons cache. We didn't know about it before and certainly weren't aware of it 8 years ago. It's possible this could be a place where Doyle might feel safe. Especially since at no time did we ever know him to travel there or have any ties to anyone in the country. We've had eyes on the building for the last few weeks. There is definitely some activity there."

"Why would you need to contact Emily?"

"She may know something about the property that she just never thought to mention before. We also have photos of several men coming and going. None of them appear to be Doyle but we are hoping she recognizes someone that can be tied to Doyle."

"Oh my god. I can't believe you found something. Can you imagine what these 6 months have been like for her?"

"JJ, it's far from over." Jeff stated

"I know, I know." JJ ran her hands through her hair. "Jeff, she's all alone and while she can clearly take care of herself she already lived a life pretending to be someone else. After Doyle was arrested she settled down. Once she got to Washington and joined the BAU she started to build a life for herself. She found a career, made a home and allowed the BAU to become her family. I'm her family. And now…I just can't imagine how alone she is right now. And yes, I miss my friend."

"What can I do JJ?"

JJ thought for moment. Choosing her words carefully. "I need to get a message to her. She needs to be reminded that there are people who love and miss her. Since I'm the only one who knows she's alive it needs to come from me."

"JJ you know you can't talk to her. Any phone contact could jeopardize this thing. Jeopardize her life."

"I know, I know. But my god she's been alone for 6 months. There has to be a way!"

Jeff sat back on the bench and rubbed his forehead. After a few moments he spoke. "You aren't supposed to know this but I will be the one to make contact with her, show her the photos, and discuss what we have found. What if I got a message to her?"

"Could I put it in a letter? Would you give her a letter for me?" JJ practically begged.

Jeff smiled. "I think I could fit that in my luggage."

"And keep it confidential?" JJ asked.

"JJ I work for the FBI"

JJ laughed. "So?"

"I have no interest in reading your girl talk." Jeff joked. "I'll stop by your office on Friday. I'm probably leaving on Saturday."

"Thank you."

"No problem JJ. I'll keep you posted."

Jeff got up and started to walk away. JJ was relishing in the fact she would be able to respond to Emily's note. Those good thoughts were short lived as a scary realization set in. "Jeff, wait!"

Jeff turned around and walked back toward her.

"I know Emily. Once you show her these photos…if there is something to them. If she believes Doyle is in Turkey she will go there. She won't wait and hope we take care of it. He's already taken her life several times. What does she have to lose at this point?"

Jeff sighed heavily. From what he knew and heard of Emily Prentiss she most certainly would make every attempt to end this. They had already considered the fact she was using her European sources to track him as well. Who could blame her?

"JJ maybe you could stress that point in your message to her? Tell her to let us do our jobs"

JJ went home that night and decided a handwritten note was the best way to go. Emily could always destroy it and since it was being hand delivered it couldn't be tracked. No need to be cryptic either. JJ decided to simply pour her heart out as best she could.

_**E,**_

_**I vividly remember that Saturday morning. It was one of those rare times you really let me in. I always thought you were beautiful. But that morning I saw the real you and saw just how beautiful you are. **_

_**I haven't been honest either. If I had been I would have told you how I felt over a year ago. I would have told you how your strength and character make me a better person and affects everyone who comes in contact with you. I would have told you how your silent reassurance and understanding got me through my most difficult days. I would have told you how much I adore your smile and sound of your voice. I would have told you how I could stare into your beautiful brown eyes for hours. I would have told you how much I like it when you call me Jen or Jennifer.**_

_**I would have told you how hard I had fallen in love with you. Yes, the " I want to spend the rest of my life with you" in love with you.**_

_**I miss you terribly. I want a life with you. I want everything with you.**_

_**Please let Jeff and his teams do their job. I cannot bear the thought of you taking on Doyle and being hurt or worse not coming home. You need to come home to me Emily. **_

_**I love you. Always!**_

_**Jennifer**_

Before sealing the envelope JJ copied and enclosed the picture of she and Emily kept in the Vonnegut book. Then she said a silent prayer.


	4. Chapter 4

For a week Emily fretted over having sent the letter and whether it was really a good idea. She regretted it about 5 seconds after dropping it in the box fearing she had just made a bad situation worse. She knew JJ would be worrying about her, but adding the letter … well, JJ probably now thought she'd lost her mind. What difference did it make? It's not as if she could see or talk to JJ and the likelihood of any future with her or anyone else is bleak at best. At best, she could live knowing she finally had been honest. Ultimately JJ would respect that.

Emily immediately left Germany and decided to return to Prague. She just felt comfortable there given she had spent several weeks in the city already. In fact she had established a fairly predictable routine. Having a routine provided some sense of purpose. Outside of that, it simply felt as if she were wandering aimlessly.

Today, after speaking with a former Interpol contact in France, she concluded she had completely exhausted all avenues in tracking Doyle. The most promising piece of intel she had received was most everyone was certain he had left the States. While that doesn't aid in her attempts to find him, it does lend assurances he decided to leave her team alone. With Emily gone they really served no purpose for Doyle and they wanted him dead as much as he wanted Emily dead. Any attempts at hurting her team would be all risk with little or no reward. She concluded he had likely moved on and found solace in knowing they were likely out of danger.

_What I wouldn't give for one of Penelope's quirky remarks right now. Or a drink with Morgan. I'd even take a few random, useless facts from Reid. Hell, I'd rather be defending my motivations for joining the BAU to Hotch right now. _She laughed as she got ready for bed. It was a curious compilation of individuals, her team. But as she laid down her thoughts went to their usual place. She thought of the days away from Quantico spent with JJ simply laying around her condo on the couch watching a corny romance movie or pretending to enjoy watching the Washington Redskins. Truth is she couldn't care less about football, but absolutely loved how excited the blond became when they were playing. As she closed her eyes she imagined they were both on the couch with her spooning behind JJ. She could almost smell JJ's shampoo and feel the warmth of her body next to hers. _I love you so much. _With that final conscious thought she drifted away to a place far from Prague and far from the nightmare that is her life.

So here it was. Another morning sitting alone in a cafe pretending to be engrossed in a book, some paperwork, or her laptop. She paid no attention to any of it. She spent most of her time blandly in thought on mornings like these. This morning she found herself reflecting on the choices she made over the last 20 years. She had made her career choices in a way that fit her life as a child. Having moved around so much while growing up, it became very easy to be whoever people wanted or someone you were not. It was too difficult to carve her own identity because she was never allowed to become comfortable in one place. She was also taught to put on the right face for the situation. Thanks to her mother she had become a master of masking her emotions. This ability served her best when she went undercover in France for nearly 8 years as Ian Doyle's lover. When she really allows herself to think about it, she is amazed she carried on the charade with him for that long. She had numbed herself to the point of not feeling anything at all and essentially saw her life as a continuous acting role. Play the part. Sell it to your audience.

Once again she was playing a role. A little less definitive, but an acting role nonetheless. Living a life that wasn't her own.

After about thirty minutes she walked away. She would return tomorrow around the same time and wait. She stopped expecting anyone to show several months ago. It was becoming clear no one would pull her out of this act.

The next day she returned, ordered her coffee and chose a seat outside as it was a warm, sunny morning. She sat in silence and engaged in watching the tourists and businessmen walk the streets on what was a busy Wednesday morning. Just as she was contemplating whether to eat or leave, a man bumped into her chair causing her to spill her coffee. She turned to him and he apologized profusely in English. She looked up not expecting words in a language other than Czech. He continued to apologize and offer to buy her another. She politely declined. To her declination he nodded understanding and pushed his napkins in her hand while giving her a long hard look. Immediately she realized it was no accident. She thanked him and turned away, intentionally not allowing her eyes to follow him. As she set the napkins down she realized one of them had handwriting etched in red ink.

_**Cellar Bar. 7:30pm.**_

Emily's heart was racing. While she had longed for any contact or news, Emily felt sick. They didn't have Doyle. You don't arrange for secret meetings if Doyle had been captured or he was dead. Had they found him? Was he here in Prague? Had something happened to her team? To JJ? Emily sat at the cafe for another hour going though multiple scenarios. None of them made her feel better about the situation. By the time she left all she had completely worked herself up. All she felt was contempt. _Would this ever end?_


	5. Chapter 5

**I know the the last chapter was a little slow and short. Hopefully you will enjoy this one. Thanks for the feedback.**

Emily arrived at 7:15. She walked over to the bar where Anna gave her a waive and welcomed her back. " So good to see you again." She said.

Emily smiled. "It's nice to see you too"

"Back for more advice?" Anna asked with a laugh.

"No. At least not just yet. I'm meeting a colleague. We have some business to discuss so depending on the outcome I may need your ear."

"I'm here all night. Take any seat you wish. I will be over with your ….vodka? Right?"

"You got it! Oh and could you also put on some music?"

Emily chose a table in the corner where she could face the front door. To her right was a hallway where the restrooms and back door exit was located. She could see both doorways from her seat. While she was certain tonight was an update from inside the State Department or FBI she couldn't be 100% certain. Taking no chances, she sat with her left hand securely on her side arm and waited. She was the only patron save for one older gentleman at the bar who was chatting casually with Anna.

Emily was tempted to shoot her drink down and get another but knew she needed to keep her mind clear. Twenty minutes and a sip of vodka later a man in his late 30's walked in dressed in a suit jacket with no tie. He looked around and immediately walked toward her. Emily tightened her grip on the gun and held her breath but as he approached the table she slowly exhaled. Initially, she had no idea how good it would feel to see a familiar face. She had met Agent Parker several times and they had collaborated on a few cases over the years. He was respected throughout the FBI as a hard working, family man. But Emily's relief was short-lived as this was neither a social call nor was it likely good news. As he approached she could feel tension building deep inside her knowing this evening was probably not going end with any real resolution.

"Emily, how are you?" Agent Parker sat across from her.

"I'm fine. As good as can be expected."

" You look pretty good given the circumstances. We appreciate your cooperation in maintaining contact over the last six months."

"Gee thanks. My calendar is so full I don't know how I manage." She said cooly. Emily could feel anger and jealously settling in. _I don't have a life! Fuck you for even asking how I am or telling me I look good. You have a family you can go home to. You have a life that you get to live. _She swallowed the remaining vodka in one shot and motioned for Anna.

"Another for you." Anna set another vodka down. "And for your friend?"

"Just a glass of water for now." Agent Parker could have used a drink but technically he was on the clock. While he figured Emily would be angry and wanted to provide her some reprieve from the hell she must be living he knew he must remain professional. In the long run it would serve them both better.

"So, I suppose you're not part of the homecoming committee? No surprise welcome home party on the other side of the door?" Emily went on.

"No. Emily, I'm sorry. We know this is hell on you."

"We? _We_ has no idea how I am. _We_ has no idea what this is like. _We _doesn't even know me! I am a fucking number in your department. Just one in a list of many in some sort of protection or hiding. So unless you are here to tell me it's over and I can go home don't show up and pretend anyone really gives a damn about how I am! " Emily practically spat as she spoke. She wasn't exactly sure where it was all coming from and until now hadn't realized how angry this whole situation had made her. Months of frustration, anger, and self pity was oozing out. Agent Parker was the unfortunate recipient. She knew she shouldn't blame him, but he was the only one across from her.

"Emily, I know you." He firmly stated. Then looked very hard into Emily's eyes. "JJ knows you."

Emily bit her lower lip and looked down. Staring at her drink she asked, "How is she?"

"She's worried about you. Not just for your safety, but how you have been coping. She came to see me his week to check on your status which was surprising. We have been giving her updates along the way and JJ being the consummate professional never probed further. We spoke last week for some time and again yesterday. She clearly misses you. Actually she told me as much. Even though I shouldn't have, I did tell her I was coming to see you."

Emily nodded unsure of what to say at the mention of JJ. She really hadn't considered her to be a topic of discussion. Talking about JJ wasn't going to do any good or change the situation never mind the letter she had sent. JJ would have received it before yesterday. _What I wouldn't give for JJ to be sitting here with me._ Emily caught herself and ended that thought from going any further. She wasn't about to lose her composure in front of Agent Parker so she went to the topic at hand. "Jeff, why are you here?"

Agent Parker pushed a folder of several pictures over to Emily. As she opened and scanned them he asked,"Do you recognize this building or any of the faces in the pictures?"

Emily studied the photos. She looked first at the pictures taken of several men. She reviewed each carefully. About halfway through, she saw one man she recognized. She put her hand to her mouth in an attempt to control her breathing. Before saying anything she continued reviewing the all pictures. She only needed to glance at the first one of the building to notice the obvious. "Oh my god." She whispered.

"Emily do you recognize anyone?"

After a few moments Emily pushed one of the pictures across the table and tapped it with her finger. " This man. I don't remember his name but he was a driver when we lived in France. He ran mostly pickups and drop offs of arms deliveries. I spoke with him the day Doyle asked me to move in with him. He was related to Doyle somehow. A cousin. Maybe a nephew… something like that."

She sifted through the other pictures again. Emily held the picture of the building up for Parker. " Where is this?"

"I really can't say."

"Dammit Parker. Really? You're gonna pull this crap with me?"

Jeff stared into his glass and sighed. _What the hell,_ he thought. "Turkey. We think he is running weapons trade with the a rebel faction in Iraq. "

"Turkey?" Emily shook her head. She never, ever heard him mention anything in Turkey never mind any dealings with the Middle East. But Doyle didn't tell her everything. "He's there." She sad flatly nodding at the building.

"How can you be sure?"

"Look at the flowers next to the building." Emily pointed as Jeff studied the picture. "Purple was his favorite color flower. "

"Purple flowers?" Parker raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Yes. Long story, but look at the building and the surroundings. It's all dirt and gravel. There's no grass or anything. See these random purple flowers? They aren't random."

_We may actually get this bastard, _Jeff thought_. _ " Well I'll be damned. No one picked up on that. This is extremely helpful. We will be getting additional men and surveillance in place immediately."

"Where in Turkey is this, Jeff? You know I can find out with or without you"

" Emily you know I can't tell you that and I know _exactly _what you are thinking of doing. We know you have been contacting old friends within Interpol. We know you've been doing your own research and hunting. You need to stop."

"Do you have any idea what my life is like? " Emily asked, looking out toward the bar. " Let me tell you. I don't have a fucking life. I had one for about 3 years and that got stripped away 6 months ago because a long list of people failed to do their job. Because of that I am NO ONE. I may as well have been dead these last 6 months. I don't talk to anyone, I don't do anything. I have nothing to call my own. I'm beholden to people like you for my sustenance and safety. I have NOTHING. " Emily took a deep breath and whispered, " I have absolutely nothing to lose by ending Doyle myself. "

"That's not entirely true."

"Oh really? Ok then. Jeff, please tell me what I have going for me right now? Exactly what is it I have to lose?" Emily demanded.

Jeff reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an envelop. " I know at least one person who cares about what happens to you. You may want to read this." Jeff pushed the envelope toward Emily.

"What is this?"

"Emily, JJ is very worried. Like I said earlier she has tried very hard not to insert herself into the situation, but she was very concerned when we spoke. Now I don't know JJ all that well but she seemed almost distraught and insisted there must be a way to contact you. When she found out was coming to see you she asked if I would give this to you."

Emily reached for the envelope. She held it briefly before opening it. _JJ must have gotten her letter before she had spoken with Jeff! _She opened it and immediately noticed the picture. Smiling she recognized it and recalled one the most fun days she had ever had since joining the FBI. Her eyes began welling with tears. She slowly opened what appeared to be a handwritten note. She read the words but they didn't seem real. _This couldn't be real. Could it? This can't be true. _Dangling in front of Emily was the one thing she wanted most but couldn't have.

Suddenly feeling ill , Emily excused herself and moved toward the bathroom. By the time she reached the first stall tears were streaming down her face. With one look at the toilet the bile she managed to keep down in he bar climbed to her mouth. She dropped to her knees and gave in to a wrenching combination of vomit and sobs. The vomiting became dry heaves which turned to uncontrolled sobbing. Breathing was difficult and she felt very close to blacking out. She managed to get up and moved the sink. Splashing water on her face and in her mouth she continued to cry and spoke aloud to herself. 'Oh Jen. I need you here. I'm not strong enough for all of this.' After several minutes she gained her composure and wiped her face dry.

Anna, who had been watching the two at the table in the in the corner noticed Emily had been gone for quite some time. A combination of curiosity and concern drove her to walk into the bathroom where she found the distressed woman. She approached her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you ok?"

"I will be…. maybe…. someday." Emily tried to smile through her tears.

Anna furrowed her brow. " Do you need your bartenders ear?"

Emily answered while trying to stifle her tears. " Thank you. I just might a little later."

Meanwhile, Jeff remained seated at the table. He knew this whole situation must be hell for Emily. He didn't think going after her was appropriate and knew she would get herself together and come back to the table. He looked at the picture and smiled. It was a great picture. They both looked so happy. He knew he shouldn't but he picked up the letter and quickly read it. His guilt for reading the very intimate message was immediately replaced by anger and determination. He committed then and there that he was not going home to the states until they found and killed Doyle.

Emily made her way out of the bathroom and walked back to the table. After sitting down she took a deep breath. " Sorry. I guess everything just came to a head right then. I appreciate you getting JJ's message to me."

Jeff nodded and gave Emily a small smile. "Let me make some calls tonight and get some things in motion based on your assessment of these pictures. Let's meet here again tomorrow night and I will fill you in as best I can on our plan. But you have to promise me you won't do anything about this in the meantime.?"

"Yeah, I can do that." Emily looked up as Jeff moved to leave. " And thank you. I know you are trying to help."

"We'll get Doyle, Emily. I promise you."

Jeff walked out the door. Shortly after he left, Emily waived goodnight to Anna and spent the rest of the evening alternating between staring at the picture and rereading JJ's note.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm certain in my haste to publish I have grammatical mistakes and typos. Thanks to those who have reviewed and provided feedback. Please keep it coming. I also welcome any ideas for the story. I'm also in need of a beta if anyone's interested.**

**I promise Emily and JJ will reunite. Also keeping fingers crossed they will reunite next season on CM given the news of PB's pilot. **

Emily got little sleep that night. Her mind was a mess of jumbled thoughts and emotions. Doyle being captured, better yet, killed seemed like a pipe dream after so many months. If that day was coming sooner than later it brought on so many other problems to consider. Would he be captured or killed? She knew deep, deep down anything short of elimination wouldn't resolve anything in the long term. If he lived she would never be Emily Prentiss again. From prison he would he would find out and would track her down through his men. After all the time he spent in the Korean prison he easily rallied his team and connected with all his former minions to help with his dirty work or making Emily pay. So it goes without saying he would have the means to learn of her existence once again and have her tracked down. The next time he wouldn't spare her team or anyone she was close to. Doyle would inflict the revenge of all revenges.

Anything short of his death wasn't good enough Emily reasoned. If he is killed, what then? What life does she return to? A return to the FBI would be the desired outcome but she had likely written herself out of any chance at a return by her actions in the weeks leading up to her "death". Besides, what would her team think? Would they understand and forgive her choices? Could she look Derek in the eye again knowing he has been carrying the weight of watching her take what he thought to be her last breaths? Knowing he blames himself for allowing his emotions and concern for her allowed Doyle to get away.

Then there's JJ. Her letter said everything she wanted to hear but as the night wore on Emily ultimately considered questioning the legitimacy of its contents? Could the feelings JJ expressed be magnified because of the brevity of Emily's situation? Undoubtedly JJ has worried about her and her safety. Could that worry translate into an involuntary exaggeration of her feelings or worse yet had JJ simply told her what she wanted to hear? No. JJ wouldn't lie to her, but certainly the whole ordeal could have produced some fabrication of her feelings. After all, JJ was essentially shouldering the burden of knowing the truth about her death. The only flaw in this thinking was there were times when Emily saw something in JJ that gave her hope... the looks, the touches, but there was something else that she could never quite put her finger on.

Emily sighed loudly. If she got out of this mess how would she face JJ and address the exchange of truths between them? _Do we date? Do I throw her down and have my way_?

Emily smiled. While she has fantasied about all the ways she would have or take JJ, initiating the act or even the relationship via a date would be nice. Even though they did so much together Emily imagined an actual date would be heavenly. She always imagined the perfect night out. It would start with flowers presented when arriving at JJ's house only to find her in an amazing low cut dress with heels. They would go to Emily's favorite Italian restaurant which only has six tables providing a very intimate atmosphere. So intimate and popular reservations must be made months in advance, unless you are the daughter of an Ambassador. Lingering over a wonderful red wine they would eat and share endless conversation while Emily stares into beautiful cobalt eyes. Occasionally, Emily might reach out and touch JJ's hand to make a point or when expressing a thought. When dinner is done Emily would walk behind JJ with her hand placed firmly on the small of her back while suggesting they take a walk along the Potomac. The walk would begin with light conversation but would become quiet as the one thing Emily loved most about spending time with JJ is there were never any awkward silences. It would be during one of those quiet moments Emily would take JJ's hand into her own while they walked. Ultimately the evening would end with a never-ending kiss on the blond's full lips. A kiss which Emily has fantasized about more than any other would be the ultimate culmination of the evening and a promise of what is to come.

Standing up Emily brought herself out of her reverie. Even if that date were to happen it was a long way off. However, the possibility of an end in sight to this nightmare and an opportunity to begin a life with the woman of her dreams was the first real glimpse of hope she has had in a long time. With that hope came an even greater longing to see or even speak to JJ. _What I wouldn't give to hear her voice or her laugh._

xxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile, Agent Parker was securing every resource and pulling every lever possible to obtain more intel and implement greater surveillance on the building in Turkey. None of his contacts had mentioned Emily was poking around so he assumed she was keeping true to her word to let him do his job and take care of this once and for all. Despite that, his conversation with JJ combined with his understanding of Emily's mindset and capabilities concerned him. If progress was not made quickly he was sure Emily would take matters into her own hands. He believed the success of this operative was as much dependent on his abilities to execute in Turkey as it was to keep Emily removed from the situation.

Additional surveillance measures including electronic intercepts were put in place only a few hours after meeting with Emily. Very quickly it became evident there was more activity at the warehouse in Turkey than originally thought. The voice communications intercepted are encrypted, but they had already determined the encryption could be solved in a day or two. As more evidence of activity began streaming in, Agent Parker decided moving Emily back to the States might be best. If Doyle was here did it make sense for her to stay in Europe? If she were in the States she wouldn't be able to take matters into her own hands.

As the day went on Parker devised a plan to move Emily. He ultimately decided to leverage the house his parents owned on a lake upstate New York. His father passed away last year, two years after his mother. After his father's passing he decided to keep the house but had not spent any time there and had asked one of the long-time residents on the lake to look after it. The house would be a perfect spot for the next few weeks anyway. It was on a small lake that had been annexed over 20 years ago into the Adirondack State Park meaning no additional private building or construction was allowed. There are only 13 houses on the lake and a two mile dirt road is the only way in or out. Unless you lived on the lake or in one of the towns closest to it, no one would know it was there. Because Parker never went back to the lake house after moving to Washington he rarely thought about it and he doesn't recall even mentioning the property to anyone other than his wife. Keeping Emily's whereabouts secret would be easy; getting her to go would be the difficult part.

_7:15 Cellar Bar_

Emily strode into the bar taking the same seat as the night before. She was barely seated when Anna set the vodka bottle on the table. "Are you conducting business again tonight?" Emily nodded. "Well, if it's anything like last night I figure I may as well leave the bottle with you."

"You don't have to" Emily smiled.

"It's on me as long as you don't leave without saying good bye." Anna gave her a concerned smile.

Emily laughed and agreed.

About 5 minutes later Parker came in and sat down. Seeing the vodka and the extra glass he poured himself half of a shot.

"So, how are you?" he inquired.

"Better. I'm sorry about last night. For all of it. I shouldn't take this out on you."

"Hey, don't think twice about it. You can make it up to me. I'll let you buy me a drink." He said smiling while raising his glass.

"So, what's the plan?"

Parker breathed in deeply. "Ok, two things. First, I'm pretty sure you are right about the building. I put additional men and surveillance in place last night and there is clearly y significant degree of activity. We haven't seen Doyle but the man you identified last night is definitely there now. We did some checking and we believe you were right about him being related to Doyle. We're pretty sure it's his cousin "

Emily nodded, listening intently.

"We haven't seen Doyle, but a different vehicle showed up this morning that we hadn't seen before. We couldn't see who was in it because it drove inside one of the bays. Let's just say it was a SUV befitting a man in charge. Regardless, we have electronic surveillance set up and we have started radio intercepts. It will probably be another day or two before we can access and interpret the transmissions, but we will be able to encrypt it."

Emily could feel the adrenaline rushing through her. _Could this really be the beginning of the end?_

"That's one, what's number two?" She asked taking a sip of her drink.

Parker looked right at her. "I want to move you. I want you as far away from this as possible….. for your own safety."

"Move me? For my safety? Ok I'm not buying that. You're just afraid I'll handle this myself."

"I've considered that and yes, I want you out of it and remove any temptation of getting involved. But seriously, if he is here there is no reason you can't go back to the States."

"And where would I go? Des Moines, Iowa?"

"Update NY. The mountains." Parker explained.

Emily scoffed. " You're putting me out in the woods? Doesn't that sound like fun!"

"It's actually very nice. It's fairly secluded on a private lake. Think of it as your own private mountain getaway."

Emily didn't say anything rather she thought about being closer to home. The idea of gong back to the States was appealing. At the same time she knew she probably had enough information to secure Doyle's supposed whereabouts based on what Parker has shared. If she went after Doyle she would either die trying or if she was fortunate enough to eliminate him she may sacrifice any hope of a future with the FBI. She knew returning to the BAU was improbable, but maybe not impossible. After a few more moments in thought she responded.

"Parker, when this is over, what happens? "

"What do you mean, Emily?"

" I mean what future do I have? Do I have any chance of returning to the Bureau?"

Parker thought for a minute. Emily hadn't been charged with any crime, in fact there was no discussion of any criminal intent on her part. While everyone would agree she exercised poor judgement in hiding the situation from the FBI and subsequently going after Doyle herself, it was doubtful many would fault her too heavily.

"Emily, I'm certain the circumstances you were faced with combined with the work you did while undercover would all be taken into consideration in the assessment to bring you back. I can't make any promises but I can assure you failure to comply with my directives to stay away from Doyle will not help your case."

Staring at the bottle of vodka, Emily considered what Parker was saying. She loved the bureau, her job, and her team. _God, how did this get so screwed up, _she wondered as she rubbed the back of her neck. Next to JJ, the only thing that matter to her was the team and the job. She was a good profiler and it was all she ever wanted to be and all she ever saw when she looked to the future.

"Do you think I made poor choices?"

Parker didn't respond so Emily continued. "Doyle was going to hurt what mattered most to me. He was planning to kill my team. He wanted to systematically destroy me by killing each one of them. My god, at one point he made me chose who should go first. I had to keep them out of it.. keep them safe." Almost forgetting where she was and who she was talking to she took a deep breath and went on. "One of the only saving graces was I don't think he knew about JJ or that she was once part of the team. But I couldn't take that chance. I couldn't let him hurt my team or the person who matters most to me."

Tears were spilling down her face and she made no attempt to hide them tonight. Holding her head in her hands she whispered, "How could I live with myself if he took my best friend?"

Parker reached over and took her hand in his. "Emily, you were put in an impossible position. I know you did what you thought was best."

Emily pulled away and poured another shot. She thought about JJ. JJ would convince her to cooperate and stop trying to fix this on her own. After finishing the shot with one swallow, she spoke again.

" I will go, but I keep the passports. You get one month, Parker. One month to get this bastard. In 30 days all I can guarantee is I won't live this way much longer."


	7. Chapter 7

**Short chapter but I wanted to post quickly as I may not have time over the weekend. Thanks for the reviews and suggestions. I should note in my story there is no Henry and Will is a distant memory. **

**So hoping Paget comes back to CM. A little disappointed JJ only had two minutes of screen time last night although just showing her legs for several seconds wasn't a bad way to set up her return. **

Emily and Parker worked through the details of her departure for New York over next 45 minutes. Emily was to take the train to Paris in the morning where she would catch a flight to JFK tomorrow night. After staying the night near the New York airport she would rent a car and make the five hour drive to the Adirondack Mountains. She was to keep the cell phone she was originally issued; however, Parker explained cell service is virtually non-existent at the lake. Mike Perry, the neighbor who lived less than a ¼ mile away and was looking after the house had a land line. Jeff advised Emily if he needed to contact her he would do so via Mike.

"So I'm really going into the woods, huh?"

"Emily, I really think you will like it. It's peaceful. You can hike, fish, swim. My old mountain bike is probably there as well."

"Yeah, ok. Should I buy some Birkenstocks on my way?" Emily couldn't help but laugh at herself.

"Real funny Prentiss. Mike will stock the house with food and will get you directions to the closest store, although you probably won't want to make the hour long journey too often."

"Canned goods and powdered milk. What's not to like?"

Ignoring her comment Agent Parker continued, "I'll have him gas up the boat should you be so inclined. There is also a canoe. We used to have jet skis but I'm not really sure if they are still there. I'm telling you its better than wandering around Europe anonymously."

"It sounds perfect for an 18 year old boy." Emily said rolling her eyes. " So who am I to this Mike?"

"You are Emily Prentiss. I'm telling him you are an old friend from the Bureau in need of a vacation break. I will also explain no one needs to know you are there. Mike is former FBI so he will understand when I ask him to be discreet. To anyone else at the lake you are just an old family friend."

"Hmmm FBI. Well, I guess I'll feel like home then. What if he probes for details regarding my work?"

"He won't. When I ask for discretion I'm sure he will assume there is a bit more to the visit than a vacation. I'm sure he will keep his eye on you and make sure you are taken care of. And don't go disappearing as he _will _have instructions to call me if he doesn't see you for a day or two."

"Ok Dad."

Agent Parker made a few more notes and determined there weren't any more details to share. Emily sat tapping her fingers on the table and bouncing her right leg, a nervous habit she'd never been able to break.

"Emily, please make yourself absolutely at home at the lake. We will get Doyle, I promise. Just try to be patient, ok?"

"I know, I know." Emily sighed. "Who else knows I'm staying there?"

"It will be logged in the database. Outside of that only the Director will know you've been moved."

Emily nodded and gave a half-hearted smile. She knew telling JJ of her whereabouts or that she was leaving Europe was out of the question so she didn't even ask. Instead she looked down suddenly very interested in her empty shot glass.

Jeff assumed where her thoughts were going. "Emily we really can't tell anyone. It would jeopardize your safety as well as theirs. I promise I will get word to JJ on how you are doing."

Emily looked up and gave Jeff a quizzical look, then softened her features. "Can you tell her something for me?"

"Absolutely." Jeff nodded.

"Tell her thank you for the picture…and…tell her…tell her she helped empty some of my compartments." Emily said slowly, choosing her words carefully.

"I can do that." He said as he took a quick note. "Anything else?"

"I guess not." Emily really wasn't sure what to say. Even though she had only seen Jeff twice she didn't want to say goodbye. Saying goodbye has taken on a new meaning these days as there is no real way of knowing how long goodbye will last.

Jeff stood up. "Alright. You have a couple of long days ahead of you. I will check in with Mike on Thursday to be sure you got there safely."

Emily stood and extended her hand. "I appreciate all you are doing. I know this isn't fun for you either and I'm sorry if...well… again I didn't mean to take it out on you. You're just doing your job."

Jeff pulled Emily in a bit closer and whispered. "I will end this as quickly as I can. You be safe and don't do anything you might regret. Let the proper authorities handle Doyle."

Emily nodded but kept her eyes averted because she could have cried right there. She wasn't sure why since she didn't know Jeff that well. The weight and stress of the last several months were catching up with her and she was certain she was losing whatever parts of herself she has left in the process. She just wanted this to be over.

As Agent Parker walked out Emily grabbed the vodka bottle and walked over to the bar where she sat down.

"Everything ok?" Anna asked as she sat on a stool.

"Yeah, I think so." Emily said suddenly wishing she could talk to someone about her situation. She knew she couldn't. Besides where would she begin?

"So, the last time we spoke you were considering telling your secret love the truth."

"I did." Emily said with a tired smile. Anna raised her eyebrows clearly expecting more of an explanation. "And I think the feeling is mutual." Emily's smile grew a little wider. She reached in her coat pocket and produced the picture JJ sent her.

Anna took the photo between her finger and thumb and began nodding. "I can see why she stole your heart. She is beautiful. You both look so happy, like you fit together. I can see it in both your eyes."

"You think?"

"I know. A bartender always knows these things. So why are you here and not with her?"

"It's complicated, very complicated. Hopefully someday soon." Emily stated staring at the picture.

"You have an important job don't you? You and your coworker…. seems like very difficult business you must be in."

"Something like that, yes. It's why I am leaving tomorrow. More difficult business."

"You will be back soon?" Anna asked.

"I'm not sure." Emily pushed the shot glass Anna's way. "I appreciate your company and your kindness, especially last night. I will come back someday, maybe with her." Emily pointed at the picture on the bar smiling. "If this works out we will have you to thank. You gave me the push I needed."

Anna laughed. "I will look forward to that. Best of luck you."

Emily stood up and shook Anna's hand. "Thank you." She said as she turned to leave_. I need all the luck I can get._


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the delay. Great news on Paget's return.**

Emily arrived at JFK exhausted. It had been a long, arduous trip between the train and the flight. Upon arrival she rented a car and made her way to her hotel for the night. She opted to make the hour long drive north to the Ritz Carlton in White Plains for the night. It was a little out of the way, but she really wanted at least one more night of luxury before she went camping in the woods. Shortly after checking in, she opted to grab a drink and a bite to eat at the bar and was quickly reminded why she didn't care for NYC or the surrounding areas. Manners were lacking by the receptionist earlier and now by the bartender. As if that wasn't enough within 15 minutes of sitting at the bar she was flanked by two middle aged Italian men complete with gold chains nesting in dark chest hair. Being quintessential gentlemen, they promptly expressed sincere concern about why "such a pretty gal" was traveling alone. Normally, Emily would laugh at this type of exchange with strangers and usually play along. In fact she, JJ, and Garcia usually had some fun with this sort of thing in DC. She just wasn't in the mood and politely tried to ignore them.

"What's the matter sweetie? You just a little shy tonight? How about we buy you a drink?" the older one asked.

"Thanks, guys, but I'm just gonna have my dinner and head to bed. It's been a long day."

"Come on sweetie, one drink won't hurt. It's still early. Besides we know just the right way to unwind."

Emily quickly became annoyed with the failed attempt to be polite and the innuendo. She really wanted to be left alone. "Listen, I'm not your _sweetie_ and _you_ aren't my type." Her voice was loud enough to get a chuckle from the bartender.

"Oh really? Exactly what is your type?" he practically snorted.

"Tall, blond, blue eyes, with legs up to here." Emily raised her hand to eye level to make her point.

He seemed confused, but his friend nudged him then whispered in his ear.

"You're a fuckin dyke? Huh. Well maybe this works to all our advantage. How about you let me watch that way we all get something we want."

That did it. Emily would normally ignore a situation like this and simply walk away. Instead her temper flared and she jumped from her seat and pushed him against the bar. Showing her gun and credentials she spoke in a hushed, but firm tone. "I bet your wife wouldn't like hearing about this little fantasy of yours, would she? I'm also guessing you have a daughter at home who might question her status as _daddy's little girl_ if I hauled you off to jail for propositioning a federal agent."

"Fucking get off me." he squeaked.

Leaning in close she grabbed his crotch as hard as she could. "You and your friend need to walk out of here now." she sneered.

Emily stepped back and walked to her seat where she resumed looking at the menu while the two men settled their tab. She finally ordered and took a sip of her cocktail taking a moment to consider what just happened. She had no business showing her credentials even if she was with the FBI and she rarely got angry with interactions like that. But she was furious by the whole exchange, n fact she was still seething. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ _ Maybe I'm just tired or the stress is catching up with me. _A meal of grilled salmon and five vodka's later she settled and calmed herself.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning Emily packed up and got on the road by 8am. It was a clear, sunny day as she made her way up I87 to the NY State Thruway, eventually making her way up Route 28N. She had made a stop at a shopping mall since she really didn't have any casual, summer clothes. She grabbed some shorts, tank tops, flip flops, and even a bathing suit. She considered not stopping hopeful she wouldn't be there long but she reasoned it's better to be prepared. As she headed north she sensed civilization was dwindling, so in what she considered to be an impulsive move she stopped at the only liquor store she saw. _May as well try to relax and kick back._ She went in thinking one bottle of vodka would do but after some small talk with the clerk regarding her travel plans including the fact his was the only liquor store within 30 miles, she walked out with a case of Kettle One.

She continued her way up Route 28 where she turned right at the diner Jeff described. After a few more miles she passed the radio tower noted on the directions and as described in handwritten notes the road quickly turned from asphalt to gravel upon entering the woods. The gravel road winded through the woods for over two miles. Emily couldn't help but think of the move Deliverance and wondered why in the hell she agreed to this. After another few minutes of slow going on the single lane dirt road she came upon an opening in the trees that revealed a pristine, glasslike lake. Wow! It was absolutely beautiful as the mountains came into view. She stopped the car and simply sat for a minute taking it all in. Jeff hadn't been kidding. It was not only beautiful it was very desolate. She could only see one house and it was across the lake to the left. She continued around the lake to the right where she eventual passed two more homes before identifying the one she was to be staying at.

She parked to the side of what was a much larger structure than she imagined from Jeff's description. The house had to be close to 2000 square feet and despite the lack of habitation the landscaping was well kept. She made her way out of the car and walked around back to take assess the yard and the view of the lake. There was a dock with what she guessed to be a 32 ft boat tied to it. A bit further down the dock several benches and a small table with an umbrella came into view. Assessing the yard she noted two hammocks leveraging the perfect placement of the large pine trees spotting the property. Looking back to the left she took in the vast outdoor deck just off what appeared to be a screened porch which ran the length of the house. Under any other circumstance this would be the perfect mountain getaway.

Hearing rustling behind her she quickly turned around while placing a hand on her sidearm. She saw a lean, fairly handsome 60ish man approaching her. "You must be Emily?"

"Oh. Hey there. I bet you're Mike" She said striding forward to meet him halfway. As the distance closed between them he extended his hand. They exchanged friendly smiles while shaking hands. " Yes, I'm Mike. And let me tell you Jeff failed to tell me what a pretty young lady you are. "Emily tensed a bit at the comment but quickly realized he was simply being nice. She laughed and said, "This city girl is clearly a long way from home."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll be settled in before too long."

For the next hour Mike showed her around the property and gave her the lay of the land. He really had stocked the place with plenty of groceries and even showed her how to operate the boat.

Before he left her to settle in he helped unpack her car. He quickly noted she didn't have much in the way of luggage and there were several bags of recently purchased clothes. He did not press Jeff for details regarding Emily but it was apparent there was more to her stay than a simple get away. He knew Jeff was often involved in some of the most high profile cases and assumed something must have gone wrong to necessitate the agent in front of him to go into what he assumed was hiding. As they gathered the last of Emily's things he let out a large chuckle at the amount of vodka she was pulling from the trunk. "Well, I guess I know where to go for a drink."

Emily blushed, slightly embarrassed. "Jeff explained I wouldn't want to make the drive to town very often so I decided to be prepared. Help yourself." Mike grabbed a bottle thanking Emily. He indicated he would stop by in the morning to see if she needed anything else.

Within an hour Emily had unpacked her things and taken another tour of the house. Exhausted from the trip Emily chose a chaise lounge on the deck where she decided to finally relax. Staring out at the lake she said a silent prayer that time would pass quickly and she would one day soon be able to resume her life.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

JJ had decided to take a long weekend as she hadn't taken any time off since leaving the BAU. She planned to spend Thursday and Friday cleaning the house and painting the bathrooms. Since Emily's death she hadn't done much with her own home. As executor of Emily's estate, she "inherited" Emily's DC condo. She had spent several weekends packing her things in preparation to rent the condo. Emily had told her to simply put it on the market and take the first offer regardless of the amount, but JJ didn't feel right about selling it. Emily loved her condo and JJ couldn't simply sell it. JJ wanted something for her friend to return to when the ordeal was over. So she hired a realtor to find someone to lease the property and also established a separate account for the rent to be held as the money from the rental technically wasn't hers to keep.

She was just deciding where to start painting when her cell rang. "Jareau."

"Good morning JJ. It's Agent Parker."

"Uh, hello, how are you? Where are you?"

"I'm good. I'm still working my latest assignment."

JJ knew better than to ask or reveal too much. "Well, hopefully it resolves soon."

"I'm actually very optimistic we are close to a resolution."

JJ's caught her breath. Could they really be close to Doyle? "Fantastic, I'm sure you miss the family. Anyway, what can I do for you?"

"Well, I was just completing some paperwork and wanted to let you know the additional details and documents you gave me last week were extremely helpful. I can't thank you enough for the assistance. Being able to put that matter to rest has freed up several compartments."

She remained silent while she processed what he just said. _Oh my god he is speaking for Emily_. Maintaining her composure JJ attempted a simple response "Jeff I'm always glad to help. I can only image how difficult it has been. Don't be a stranger and be sure to let me know how things go."

"I will. Again, I can't thank you enough. Your assistance provided some much needed relief. I expect I'll see you back at the office in the next few weeks."

"Great! I can't wait to catch up and maybe grab a drink. Take care!" JJ said as she made her way to the sofa table where she pulled out Emily's picture.

"You too JJ."

JJ sat down staring at the picture. _ I'm so glad you're ok. I want you here with me so badly, Em. I love you so so much. I don't talk to anyone anymore. Nothing is the same. Nothing I do is the same since you left. _ JJ ran her hand through her hair and wiped the tears that had formed. No crying, not today. Jeff's call was good news. He said they were close to finding Doyle. All she could do is hope it would be over soon.

Later that afternoon JJ received another call. "Jareau."

"How is my blue eyed girl?"

"Garcia!" JJ was thrilled to hear her friends' voice. "How are you?"

"You know me all teddy bears and butterflies. But I've been missing my gal pal. Wondering how you've been."

"Hanging in there. You know." JJ replied.

"So how about you, me, a pint of ice cream, and a really bad chick flick tomorrow night?"

"Garcia, you couldn't have called at a better time, do you know that?"

"I am the all knowing one. I will see you around 7 tomorrow night?"

"Sounds great, Garcia. You bring the movie, I'll supply the rest." JJ confirmed.

Friday night came quickly and promptly at 7 Garcia rang the doorbell. JJ opened the door and smiled. widely" Aren't you a sight for sore eyes!"

"More like a vision of loveliness my dear!" Garcia pulled her friend into a great big bear hug. "I've missed my girl."

"I've missed you too. I'm sorry I have been so out of touch. It's just… well. It's just been hard these last few months."

"I know. It has for all of us." Garcia gave JJ one last tug.

They parted and moved to the couch where they poured wine and spread out an array of snacks. After a bit of catching up and some mindless small talk Garcia moved to a more serious topic.

"JJ you look tired. Are you doing ok? Really?"

"Yeah, work keeps me pretty busy. I joined a gym last monthso I'm back to working out which has really helped me sleep."

"You have trouble sleeping too?"

"Yeah, it's just been so hard to get it all out of my head. Plus getting to work with you all again because of Doyle.. and Emily. I didn't realize how much I miss my old job until then." JJ poured each of them another glass of wine.

"I think about her everyday you know. Some mornings I still expect to bump into her at the coffee maker or watch her throwing things at Reid." Garcia sighed. "JJ you were so close to her. … we've all worried about you."

"It's been hard. I guess in time it will fade…or heal." JJ wasn't sure what to say.

"Morgan won't even talk about her. I've tried to get him to open up but he just shuts down anytime we talk about any of it"

"He blames himself for her dying." JJ almost whispered.

"I really got him upset a few weeks ago." Garcia almost chuckled.

"Why, what did you do?"

"Well you won't like it either but I got to thinking about the whole thing a month or so ago. If she had lived Doyle would have eventually tracked her down, and probably would have tried to kill each of us just to get to her. "Garcia paused and looked at JJ, who was playing with her wine glass. She took a deep breath. "JJ what if she had lived? If she lived wouldn't it have been better if he thought she died? To buy more time for us to find him and to spare us? Spare her? I mean she went after him herself to protect us, her family."

JJ didn't say anything. What could she say? If she started talking she wouldn't fool Garcia, she would see right through her.

"Did you see her after she passed? I mean isn't it remotely possible that she lived?"

JJ shook her head. "I was right outside the operating room when she coded". She had given Emily's had a quick squeeze as she went into the room, Shortly after the door closing Emily did code.

"Morgan said I'm too focused on conspiracy theories, but isn't it the least bit plausible?"

JJ wiped her eyes, "I suppose anything is possible." There, she didn't outright lie. But she was curious. "Wouldn't you be mad if she had faked her death?"

"I don't know. I hadn't really thought of that. I mean if she did fake it, well, it may save her life and all of ours. I'm angry she didn't tell any of us about Doyle in the first place. We could have helped her." Garcia took another deep breath possibly to control her voice which had started to crack with emotion. "I just miss our fabulous brunette crime fighting bad ass. She was a bad ass and a kitten."

Garcia looked up at JJ, who was now visibly upset.

"I'm sorry JJ. I know she meant a lot to you." JJ nodded and suddenly couldn't control the tears.

Garcia pulled her into a hug. "It's ok sweetie, let it out."

After a few minutes of what felt like uncontrolled sobbing, JJ collected herself enough to speak. "I just miss her so much, you know? I …love her.. loved her so much. She was such a big part of me. It's been so hard to let go. Even now every time I get a text message I still think it's going to be her... " JJ trailed off.

Garcia knew JJ and Emily shared a special bond. She was never jealous because she knew she was JJ's best friend, but the friendship between JJ and Emily was different. There was almost a dependency on one another. In some ways they reminded Garcia of how twins act, They always seemed know what the other one needed or was thinking. More than a few times Garcia wondered if they were actually attracted to each other. She'd seen a few signs that could have been indicators but never really questioned JJ about it. Now wasn't the time either. Instead she tried to lighten the mood. "Ok, who is ready for Must Love Dogs? What is hotter than John Cusack making it with Diane Lane?"

"Thanks Pen." JJ put rested her head on Penelope's shoulder once the movie started. She didn't remember seeing the first hour of the movie. She had closed her eyes and imagined the shoulder belonged to Emily.


	9. Chapter 9

**Reviews and opinions are welcome including suggestions for the story going forward.**

The first few days in the mountains became about establishing a routine. Emily knew she needed something, anything to demonstrate control over the current arrangement. Since she no longer needed to move around as she had in Europe, a routine would provide some level of grounding and normalcy. Summer hadn't really arrived yet in the mountains so most of her first week was spent inside the house as temperatures barely edged above 50 during the day and dipped into the 30's and 40's at night. Emily's mornings included a run or a walk around the lake which she hated to admit was extremely peaceful. The days being spent reading, exploring the property, learning to make a fire in the outdoor pit, and of course thinking about JJ. Emily never considered herself a morning person but her internal clock was changing as a result of her isolation and new surroundings. There was no TV except for one local channel where she attempted to catch the national news each evening. By the end of the first week the evenings alone were so filled with melancholy, following 3-5 Kettle One and sodas she was in bed by 9pm. The thoughts of JJ were most consuming during the evening when she allowed herself to daydream and wish over a few cocktails. Going to bed early seemed the best alternative to torturing herself with fantasies of JJ.

Throughout her life she rarely found herself consumed with thoughts of anyone. Frequent moves as a child and the requirements of her job really prevented her from establishing roots or building any solid relationships. It seemed she was never in one place for very long. College was the closest to long term stability she ever found until she joined the BAU. However, even in college Emily avoided real commitments and while she bonded with a handful of friends during those years she hadn't kept in touch since. The BAU was as close to normal as she could have imagined. Despite their varied backgrounds and personalities, the team was a family. There was an unspoken understanding among them. Perhaps it was because of the work they did, the horrific events they witness, and the danger they all placed themselves in that drives the common thread for all of them. Trust. The trust they had in each other was limitless. Sure they fought and bickered like family, but at the end of the day the all trusted and counted on one another completely. It didn't take long for Emily to realize the primary driver of the trust across the team was JJ. She was the glue. She was the constant who anchored the team. Even though she wasn't a profiler for the FBI, she was the profiler for the team. Her ability to read the individuals during a case ultimately aided in driving the contributions of each. While Hotch was steadfast and unwavering in his approach, JJ's demeanor and mere presence ensured they could be human and reminded everyone it was ok to have emotions come to surface now and again. It was JJ who quickly pushed for Emily's acceptance with the group and provided the encouragement Emily needed to open herself up just enough to become one of them. In a matter if months JJ seemed to understand Emily like no one else had. Despite the Emily's stoicism and ability to tuck things away in her little boxes and compartments, JJ always knew when something was troubling the older brunette. Always. But it wasn't that JJ was astute enough to realize when Emily was troubled, JJ always seemed to know what approach to take to help Emily best without embarrassing her whether it was a funny text message, a quick hand to the shoulder with a squeeze of encouragement, or simply a wink with a smile to let Emily know she was there for her. It was the quiet understanding that ultimately resulted in Emily actually falling for JJ.

Aside from JJ, the reciprocated trust between her and the team was something she cherished. She refused to allow herself to consider too closely how much she had damaged that trust by not disclosing her past and Doyle's return. If she had to do it again she would make the same choices to ensure their safety. Despite her conviction regarding those decisions, deep down she felt a constant nagging at what would become of this trust once she was able to return to DC and her life. Would the team understand her choices? Would they forgive her? Most importantly would they trust her again?

By the 11th day in the mountains the weather finally broke and summer suddenly arrived as temperatures soared to the 80's. Emily was thrilled to really get out of the house and explore the lake. Maybe even take the boat for a spin… not that she knew the first thing about boats. After her run and a shower she decided to put on one of the pairs of shorts and tank tops she purchased on her way to the Adirondack's and head down to the dock to check out the boat or even try her luck in the canoe. As she dressed she mused how the change in weather could be so energizing. Hell, maybe she would actually see someone outside today. While Mike had stopped over twice since her arrival they had only spent about 5 minutes chatting each time. He was clearly following the instructions to check on her, but not to bother her. Perhaps she should would pay him a visit today for some adult conversation.

Finally dressed, Emily went into the bathroom to brush her hair and pull it back into a ponytail. Reaching for her brush she stopped short as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. "Oh my god" Emily said aloud looking at her reflection. It had been months since she had worn anything but long sleeves or a turtleneck. Having been focused on the scar on her abdomen and ensuring it healed; she had never stopped to consider the four leaf clover Doyle branded her with the night she _died. _She hadn't considered itwould be visible in certain clothing. Now standing in the bathroom reviewing her reflection the reminder of Doyle was as prominent as could be. It was an ugly, raised, red symbol that was present on her left breast. The almost 2 inch welt stood out prominently on her otherwise smooth, alabaster skin. While you could clearly see it was applied to her skin in an unmindful and neglected manner, one could still tell it was supposed to be a clover. As she ran her fingers over the scar she could vividly recall the smell of her flesh burning as he pressed the metal to her skin. Shutting her eyes tight she fought the urge to vomit. Upon opening them again, her hand still on the marking, she began to cry. She hadn't previously given the scar any thought as she barely looked in mirrors of late, but in this moment she realized the scar would forever be a reminder of her two trips through hell compliments of Ian Doyle.

Trembling, Emily went back in the bedroom and sat down on the bed. Taking a deep breath she stopped crying and tried to rationalize. _Ok, Prentiss get some perspective here. It's just a scar. Everyone has them. Lots of people have ridiculous tattoos. It's not a big deal. _Steadying her breathing she worked hard to convince herself once the initial shock wore off she could handle this. She could suppress the memories, of who she had to be, what she had to do when she was with Doyle. She had done it for years and was well versed at separating undercover Emily from the rest of her. But this… people will see it. They will ask. The constant reminder means there will be no hiding who she was or what she was when she was with Doyle. A constant reminder for her or anyone to see unless she covered it.

_Jesus, no_. It would be a reminder for anyone she would become intimate with. As the tears came back a new realization set in. _JJ would see it. _ The ultimate ending to this nightmare she had been living over the last seven months was a chance with JJ. A chance for happiness that JJ herself essentially confirmed in her letter last month.But how could JJ ever want her if she had to see this reminder of Emily's past every day? A past that included being intimate with a criminal, a murderer, a psychopath. Emily's mind began to race. Emily had done such a good job of pushing her time with Doyle to the furthest points of her mind she hadn't yet considered how much she would ultimately need to divulge to JJ about her time under cover. Over the years she figured she would never need to engage in more than a cursory discussion regarding her time with Interpol to anyone she might become involved with_. _ This was different. JJ knows enough about the deepest cover assignments to understand you end up doing anything to survive. You do anything to ensure your cover and to secure the optimal outcome of the operation._ How do ever I explain I felt the need to sleep with him to get the job done? That I made a snap decision in a moment because I believed it was what I needed to do get Doyle to trust me completely. _

_She'll see me as a whore. A whore who has been branded. _

Emily spent the rest of the morning sitting in the same spot crying once again wishing she had died that night in Boston. Exhausted, she changed her shirt and went to the back porch overlooking the lake taking with her a glass and a new bottle of Kettle One. She wanted to forget all of it. For the first time she wondered if she were better off with Doyle alive so she could continue living a nameless life. Pouring a full glass Emily was determined to forget her past and dismal future for at least one day.


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry for the delay. I hit a bit of a block on where to go with the chapter. I'm slowly but surely getting closer to a JJ and Emily reunion. I had originally planned for Emily to spiral even further but several reviews convinced me not to. Please provide more reviews/feedback/suggestions.

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While on his walk the early the next morning Mike noticed Emily on the back porch of Parker's house. He hadn't spoken much to Emily outside of a few quick hello's and inquiries about anything she might need. It was becoming clear to him that Emily wasn't simply there to get away. The way she packed for the trip and her behavior since arriving indicated she was hiding from something. He figured an assignment had gone wrong putting her in danger or the bureau was afraid her cover had been blown. Either way, it was evident this was not a vacation whatsoever.

Mike decided to walk over and perhaps extend a little more than an olive branch Emily's way. If she was in hiding he knew all too well how lonely it must be. Approaching the porch he expected to see Emily with coffee in hand enjoying the morning. Instead he saw her with eyes closed, slumped in a chaise lounge with an empty glass beside her and an empty bottle of vodka on the deck beneath her chair. Clearly she had been in that position for sometime as her clothes, like the rest of the deck furniture were wet with the morning dew. It was evident Emily had passed out so rather than wake her just yet, Mike went into the house to fetch some water and to find an aspirin. He grabbed a large towel on his way back to the porch and pulled a chair up beside her. The scraping of the chair against the deck was enough to rouse Emily. She stirred a bit then opening her eyes she shot up as soon as she saw Mike.

"Ugh!" Emily moaned as her movement caused her head to throb. Opening her eyes she was surprised to see someone siting there. "Mike? What are you doing here?"

"Was just out for my walk. Saw you out here so I thought I'd drop by and say hello." He smiled blandly. " Looks like you could use some coffee." He handed her the towel which she immediately wrapped around her.

"Yeah, I must have fallen asleep. It was a beautiful night."

"This is quite a sleep aid. " Mike held up the empty vodka bottle. "Here. I got you some aspirin." He handed her the glass of water and the pills.

"Thanks" Emily mumbled sipping the water. She sat up a little straighter thinking of what to say. "It was such a nice day I guess I git a little too excited about being outside that I dranks a little too much."

"From the looks of your recycle bin it seems cocktails are pretty much the norm for you."

"Not much else to do around here." Emily mused as she looked out toward the lake. Her head was pounding and she was angry Mike had found her like this.

"Look, Emily. It's pretty obvious you aren't here for a vacation. Parker doesn't let friends or family stay at this house. In fact he hardly comes here himself. So it's pretty easy to figure you are either in hiding or in some trouble. Care to tell me which it is?"

"Both." Emily turned to meet Mike's eyes and sighed. "I'm supposed to be dead."

Mike just nodded. It was probably as bad as it could be for Emily. "Wanna talk about it?"

Emily ran her hands through her hair and looked back out over the lake. "How much do you keep up with things at the bureau?"

"I'm still fairly connected. I only left the field two years ago but I still consult occasionally."

"Ever hear of Ian Doyle?"

Mike's eyes widened. "Of course. Heard he escaped." Mike paused thinking about all he had been told. Doyle had escaped but came to the states to seek revenge on former Interpol members. This couldn't be! "Are you… you're the one he killed in Boston? From the BAU?"

Emily simply nodded slightly

"Holy shit." Mike whispered.

They both sat there staring at the lake for what seemed like several minutes. Mike finally broke the silence.

"Emily, I know about the case and what happened in Boston. They faked your death so he would move on. He was going to kill anyone close to you until he got to you, wasn't he?"

'Pretty much. I thought I was safe for so many years. I never once considered he would get out of that prison alive." Emily paused. She turned to Mike again. " I couldn't let him hurt my team."

"Emily you don't have to tell me any of this, but if you like I'm willing to listen."

"No, I've been living in my own head way too long."

For the next hour Emily detailed everything from her time with Interpol to the night she died. By the end she was exhausted. The lack of sleep, the alcohol, and the replay of the events related to Doyle sapped her energy. She leaned back on the chaise and closed her eyes allowing Mike to consider everything she said.

"Emily I cant possibly know what you've gone through so I'm not in any position to give you advice but you really need to be careful." He held up the vodka bottle. " I lost my wife years ago because of the booze… and the job. I don't know who or what you have waiting for you once this is over, but trust me when I tell you this isn't a good outlet."

Emily didn't move. What was waiting for her when this was over? Her thoughts immediately went to JJ and she smiled slightly.

" You have something to go back to don't you, Emily?" It was less of a question than it was a statement.

"I might. I'm not sure." Emily said thoughtfully.

"Well, lets focus on that. Let me help you. At least let me be a friend."

Emily knew he was drinking wasn't like her at all. Sure she enjoyed an evening out with drinks or a glass of wine at home but as she reflected on the last several weeks, her alcohol consumption had been steadily increasing. She needed a different outlet. She looked around the property and smiled as an idea came to her.

"Can you teach me how to fish? Maybe even how to run that boat?" Emily asked nodding her head in the direction of the water.

Mike laughed. "Absolutely."

Almost two weeks had passed since JJ had heard from Parker. Staying busy was easy, but the waiting was awful. She really thought based on their last conversation something would have broke with Doyle by now. It was near impossible for her to ask around without raising too much suspicion. She had Parker's cell phone. At least one of them. While it was against protocol she sent him a text.

_Haven't heard from you in a while. Hope all is well with you and the family. Should have dinner next time you are in town._

After sending the text she glanced at the photo on her desk. It was of the BAU team. She missed all of them and wished she could turn back time to when she was the media liaison. She never would have left and she would have come clean regarding her feelings for Emily long ago. How she longed to talk to Emily. She missed her friend. She missed those brown eyes. Lost in thought she jumped when her phone beeped. Parker had responded.

_I'm hopeful we can get together next week. _

JJ's heart raced a bit. Next week? Next week what? It would be over? She couldn't go much longer without contacting Emily. She was tired of waiting and hoping. She texted back.

_Perhaps I can call your wife and make a plan?_

JJ waited. She knew she was pushing it and while she didn't want to put Jeff in a tough spot, she had to know that Emily was still ok. After an hour she finally received a response.

_Of course. I will have Sara get with you to make arrangements._

The next day while Mike was preparing all the items needed for Emily's crash course in fishing, his phone rang.

"Hello"

"Hey Mike. It's J.P."

"Hey there. Everything ok?"

"At the moment yes. Trying to wrap up my current trip and would love to connect." Parker stated.

"Oh, hey. I think it would be great. Folks around here have been really missing you." Mike replied assuming Parker would know what he meant.

"I'll bet. Could you do me a favor? Can you have Sara send my wife a text about setting up dinner next week? It would be tentative of course, but at least they can get something in the works."

"Yeah, I can do that. Does she have the number?" Mike wasn't quite sure what to make of this and figured Emily would know.

"She should but I'll give it to you. 202-433-1212. Even if we can't do dinner I'm sure they wouldn't mind catching up a little." Jeff hoped Mike was reading into his comments correctly. Contact was fine, but limit it!

"Ok, I'll pass it along. Of course I'll make sure they don't run up too many text charges. I know how they get with all the gal talk." Mike made sure he let Jeff know he understood they needed to be careful and brief.

"Great and thanks. Hopefully we'll see you next week."

Mike hung up. They would have to get a cell phone.

He made his way to the house and Emily. She was already sitting at the dock when he arrived.

"Hey, I'm ready for my first lesson. Even packed us a little lunch." Emily smiled. She was actually excited to focus on something new.

Mike laughed and waived her to come up from the dock. "Emily, before we get started we need to take a field trip. Come on and hop in the truck."

Emily jogged up to the driveway. " We need bait?"

"Not quite. We need a cell phone"

Emily's eyes widened. "Why?"

"I'll explain on the way. Hop in."

As they drove Mike explained the conversation he had with Jeff earlier that morning. Emily didn't say a word simply taking it all in. _Could this really be over in a week? Had JJ gone to Jeff to find a way to contact her? Or had Jeff simply assumed Emily needed to contact JJ? What do I say to her?_

They went to the Walmart and bought a disposable cell and activated it right there in the parking lot.

"Now, we don't get a signal at the lake so you will have to text from here" Mike explained.

Emily just stared at the phone and nodded.

"I assume this may be one of the people you have to go back to once this is over?" Mike probed.

"I hope so. I'm not sure any more it's been so long."

"I'm guessing from my conversation with Jeff she went to him to make this happen." Mike encouraged.

"Mike, I'm not sure what to say."

"You'll be fine. Make a plan for next week with an old friend."

Emily smiled. "Hopefully that's what will happen, right?"

Emily punched in JJ's number and sent the following text:

_Hope we can get together next week. It's been far too long. I've missed you._

Within minutes a reply came back

_Absolutely. I've missed you too. Let's plan on next Thursday? (JJ)_

_Sounds great! I'll bring the wine. (Emily)_

_It's a plan. Can't wait to catch up. xoxo. (JJ)_

Emily knew she shouldn't go any further but there was so much she wanted to say. Fabricating words in the event someone was tracing JJ's cell wasn't easy and couldn't come close to conveying any real feelings. Rather than try she turned off the phone and stepped out of the truck. Needing a minute to herself Emily walked around to the back and leaned against the tailgate. Closing her eyes she tried to imagine JJ. What she wouldn't give for one of JJ's trademark hugs right now. Maybe soon. According to Mike it sounded like JJ was the one who pushed to make contact with her. That thought brought a tear to Emily's eyes. "God Jen. I miss you." Emily said aloud as she stared down at the phone.

Emily pushed herself off the tailgate and got back in the truck. Once she was settled in with her seatbelt on, Mike reached over and took hold of her hand. "Hang in the there kiddo."

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JJ set her phone down and reached for a tissue thankful she had an office. She had never once really cried at work but now could not help the tears that seemed like they would never end.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry for the delay. Adult life has really gotten my way lately. I am posting this in haste so I'm sure there are typos and such but I really wanted to get an update completed. I will move this story to more 'mature' themes soon! I appreciate any and all reviews. Thanks!**

On her way home JJ stopped at their favorite bakery. She bought all the decadent pastries Emily loved but rarely indulged in unless JJ picked them up for one of their Saturday morning get-togethers following a tough assignment. Upon arriving home her blackberry beeped with directions from Parker. He had also reminded her since she was headed to the lake she ought to pack a bathing suit and enjoy herself for a couple days. JJ laughed to herself. _I need to do something nice for Parker when I get back. _She thought.

It was 4:30. As much as she wanted to get on the road, or in a helicopter, there wasn't much point in driving up the New York until morning. Now she just had to find a way to relax and keep herself occupied while she waited to leave. She could hardly contain the excitement at the prospect of seeing Emily, but at the same time wondered what it would be like. She hasn't seen her since that day in Paris and hadn't really spoken with her since that weekend they spent together just prior to Doyle's return. That weekend will be etched in JJ's mind forever. Even though they didn't do anything significant, JJ will always remember it was the day Emily let her guard down even if for only a few minutes. JJ often found herself reflecting back on how it felt to have Emily in her arms as she comforted her friend. She remembered having silently chastised herself for feeling anything other than sorry for her friend that day as she held her. Avoiding thoughts of how much more she wanted from their relationship was virtually impossible any time they were together never mind when there was any sort of physical contact.

Then there was the letter she received from Emily several weeks ago. She had read it at least a thousand times. Emily had essentially declared her love for her in it. JJ had no reason to doubt it since Emily never said anything she didn't mean. But… could any of it been exaggerated as a result of the emotions and stress of being in hiding. The constant pretending to be someone else? Of course JJ never thought twice about writing back and confirming her own feelings. _What if she doesn't really feel this way_? _What if I made a fool of myself? NO!_ Shaking her head JJ tried to shake those thoughts from her mind. Parker had arranged for them to connect by phone only a week ago. Certainly Emily had a part in that. Even if Emily's declaration was exaggerated they were still the best of friends. More importantly Emily was safe and she was coming home. That was all that mattered at the moment. Emily was getting her life back and JJ gets to be the one to hand it to her.

JJ spent the rest of the next hour packing and getting some last minute work items wrapped up. She packed a bathing suit at Parkers suggestion and grabbed a few warmer clothes since it was the mountains. JJ also went through several boxes she had in her spare bedroom where she had kept many of Emily's clothes. After weeding through three of them, JJ selected what she knew to be two of Emily's favorite outfits along with a pair of Yale sweatpants, shorts, and a faded, tattered Yale t-shirt that Emily always seemed to sleep in. _A t-shirt she looked absolutely hot in_!

Finally, ready to go JJ walked through the house turning off all the lights but not before grabbing the book in the side table that held the picture of her and Emily. As she got into bed she opened the book and took out the picture. JJ stared at it for several minutes wondering if Emily had changed any. Wondering what it would be like to see her. _What do I say?_ JJ stared at the picture for a while longer and decided she would stop worrying. She would stop being afraid of being honest and tell Emily exactly how she feels. _I have loved you for so long. I am not going to hide from it any more Emily. _ Turning off the light JJ rolled over and tried to sleep. Her thoughts consumed with the reunion that was less than a day away.

Emily woke up by 5am and executed the same schedule she had created almost a week ago. A quick run, some coffee with a light breakfast, then down to the boat with her fishing gear. She still couldn't believe Mike had actually gotten her into boating and fishing. Never did she think fishing would be something she would enjoy and she certainly never imagined a day when she would be able to tell the difference between a brown trout and bass. But once Mike got her going she quickly realized it was a pretty good way to pass the time. Despite being so alone with her thoughts, it helped her feel productive. In addition, all the time in the sun had her sporting a kick ass tan, particularly her arms and legs. Being alone on the boat she was less concerned about sporting her bathing suite. Initially she thought the sun might help minimize her scars but all the exposure did was make the already red clover look even worse. So she kept a t-shirt on most of the time.

By 11a.m. Emily had docked the boat back at the house. It had been a pretty successful morning of fishing. She had decided to keep two of the trout she had caught. Now that she wasn't squeamish about touching the fish she figured it was time to have Mike show her how to clean them so she could actually enjoy the fruits of her labor.

She pulled all the equipment and coolers off the boat and laid them in the shade in the back yard next to the hammock which Emily had also taken a liking to. Emily would often read after a morning of fishing. Today Emily didn't feel much like reading. While JJ normally occupied her thoughts, she was particularly preoccupied with them today. It had been a week since they texted and while grateful for the opportunity to do so, Emily wondered if it had simply made things worse. The longing grew stronger. Laying down she grabbed a towel which she used for a pillow and closed her eyes.

By 3:30am JJ gave up on any additional sleep. She had fallen in and out of it all night and was never was able to sustain more than about 60 minutes without waking up. A quick shower and a to-go mug of coffee later she was on the road shortly after 4am.

The drive wasn't as bad as she imagined. She had only stopped once to use the bathroom and to grab another coffee. Despite the stop she was making great time having crossed the PA/NY border by 9:30 am. Now she was on Route 12 heading north with maybe an hour or so left in her drive. JJ continued thinking about what it would be like to see Emily. _What do I say? Do I give her a hug? Maybe the pastries will break the ice. _ As JJ followed the directions toward the lake she eventually turned onto the private, dirt. As she did she found herself laughing at the thought of Emily living out here. _This is definitely not the place for our cultured, city girl! She must be going insane out here in the woods._

JJ continued driving enjoying the surroundings. It has been quite a while since she had been in the mountains. Growing up her family often spent weekends camping and fishing in the PA Mountains. As she drove she saw a clearing ahead and was amazed as the lake came into view. It was beautiful, so secluded and pristine. She immediately thought it was a perfect morning for waterskiing as her eyes scanned the lake that had not one single ripple. She was so taken by the view she hadn't even realized she had stopped the car. JJ was startled back to reality by a knock at the passenger side window. She jumped and looked to her right. Rolling down the window she saw what appeared to be a friendly, older gentleman.

"Hey, I'm Mike. I assume you are here for one Emily Prentiss?"

"Yes." JJ looked at him quizzically. "I am."

"I figured. I'm a friend of Jeff Parker's family. Jeff told me to expect you. I've been doing my best to look out for her."

"How is she?"

"She is better. She struggled a bit when she first got here. Can't say I blame her after all she's been through." Mike indicated. "Is it really over?"

"Yeah. He's dead. It's over." JJ confirmed.

Mike smiled. "You know I'm not sure what will make her happier. Seeing you or knowing Doyle is dead."

JJ gave Mike an inquisitive look.

"She's never said a word to me, but it's clear she's been missing someone badly. Were you the one she got in touch with last week? 

"Yes." JJ answered barely above a whisper.

Mike smiled brighter and pointed. "It's the third house on the left. If there is anything you two need just let me know. Hopefully you can both stay a few days and relax."

JJ nodded. "Thank you for taking care of her."

JJ approached the house and parked in the driveway. Looking at the house she debated whether to go to the front door or walk around back. As she stepped out of the car she noticed the boat an a deck so she decided to walk around to the back yard. Grabbing the pastries she walked down the path surveying the property. She immediately noted a body in a hammock down by the water. Emily! JJ's breath caught in her throat and tears formed immediately. Thankful for her sunglasses she took a deep breath. _Come on JJ get a grip._ She continued walking down toward the water and now stood about 10 feet from Emily. She had clearly lost weight but was as beautiful as she remembered. And tan! Emily Prentiss has a tan. Her hair hung loosely to the side of her head and she almost had what appeared to be a smirk on her face. The lump that had formed in JJ's throat continued to get bigger and JJ wasn't sure if she could speak without it coming out as a sob. She took a deep slow breath and looked out over the water. _Humor Jareau, use some humor here!_

"This is a hell of way to get ready for our dinner date, Prentiss."

Emily's eyes shot open and her head lifted. She turned to where she thought she heard the voice and was so surprised to see JJ standing there she about fell out of the hammock.

"JJ." It was almost a question as it came out of Emily's mouth. She slowly got out of the hammock and stood. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I thought we confirmed dinner plans last week. It is Thursday, no?" JJ smiled as Emily really wasn't registering any of it. She took a step forward. "Em, it's over. He's gone. Doyle is dead."

Emily looked away from JJ and was intently studying the lake. JJ could see she was processing and at the same time trying to maintain her composure. _Don't compartmentalize now Emily!_

JJ took a few more steps forward. "He's dead Emily. It's over."

Emily slowly nodded her head and turned back toward JJ. There were clearly tears in her eyes.

"I can come home?" She asked almost childlike.

"Yeah, Em, you can come home." JJ nodded and stepped even closer and smiled. "I'm here to take you home."

Emily looked into JJ's eyes as she spoke and was immediately overwhelmed. A sob escaped from somewhere and the tears began falling. JJ immediately pulled Emily into a hug. "It's ok Em. You don't have to hold this in anymore. It's over sweetie. It's all over." JJ whispered as she held Emily and rubbed her back.

Emily wasn't sure how long they stood in the embrace. She could have stayed that way forever as it was the best she has felt since the last time she was in JJ's arms. She finally composed herself and pulled away. "I'm sorry." She said wiping her eyes. "I just … I just can't believe it's over."

"You certainly don't have to apologize." JJ replied with a look of concern.

"Thank you. And thank you for coming here…to tell me in person." Emily shifted her eyes downward and was now uncomfortable and unsure what to say next. She looked down at the white bag JJ had set on the hammock just before their embrace. "Are those what I think they are?" She asked raising her eyebrows.

"Of course they are. Do I ever make a morning appearance without them?" JJ asked. Emily laughed. "No, you never disappoint."

"Come on. Let's go sit on the deck. I have coffee left over too." Emily grabbed JJ's arm and led her toward the house.

Emily grabbed two plates and retrieved two mugs of coffee as JJ made herself comfortable on the deck. She surveyed the property while she waited for Emily. After a few moments something caught her eye.

As Emily sat down, JJ spoke. "Emily, whose fishing gear is on the ground by the hammock?"

"It's the neighbors. Parker knows him. He showed me how to drive the boat and gave me a few fishing lessons last week. So I've been going out on the lake fishing each morning since." Emily answered as she took a bite of her cinnamon roll.

JJ shook her head back and forth and chuckled. "Emily Prentiss fishing! I never thought I would see the day!"

Emily laughed. "Well as you can see" She gestures around her. "There isn't much else to do around here." She looked down at her pastry and added, "Plus you always talk about how much you used to like to fish, so I thought I would learn." Emily blushed slightly at the admission. "I thought maybe it could be something we could both do."

JJ was touched by the gesture and noticed the slight blush in Emily's face "Maybe you can show me what you've learned."

Again feeling uncomfortable Emily changed the subject and asked. "So, when did you want to head back to DC?"

"Well, I will leave it up to you. I have the rest of this week off and have the option for next week. I wasn't sure what you would want to do or if you wanted to go somewhere other than DC."

Emily thought a moment. She really didn't know what she wanted and was still processing the events of the last couple hours. She had barely considered what she would do once this was over other than try to get her old job back and of course to figure out what if anything was going to happen between her and JJ.

"Would you like to stay here for a couple of days before we head back? I mean you came all this way, you have the time off, and I know you love the outdoors." Emily proposed.

JJ looked at Emily. "Em, this isn't about me. It's about you and getting your life back. It's really about what you want to do."

"Well, I think I would enjoy a few days here… with you." Emily replied tentatively. "I…" Emily sighed slightly and decided to be honest. "I've really missed you, Jen. Maybe we can just spend a day or two here before I figure out what's next?"

_Jen. There it was. _"I'd like that." JJ smiled warmly at Emily. "I think a few days of just us will do us both some good." Emily nodded, hoping JJ really meant it.

The rest of the day was spent getting JJ settled and showing her around the property. They decided to wait until morning to take the boat out and explore the lake on bikes the rest of the afternoon. They road around most of the lake and also stopped by Mike's place to properly introduce JJ and share a beer. After about 2 hours of exploring and another hour at Mike's both were spent from the day and decided to go back to the house to get dinner ready. Emily had steaks thawing and had opted to make baked potatoes. She prepped the food for the grill while JJ took a shower. While setting the table on the deck Emily wondered when the topic of their letters and previous declarations of love would come up. _Do I just put it out there?_ The afternoon had been fun and much to Emily's surprise wasn't the least bit awkward. Perhaps the physical activity and the time at Mike's had helped with that, but now she would be alone with JJ. At some point they would have to talk.

What Emily didn't know was JJ was struggling with the same thing. They day had been wonderful and it was so good to be with Emily. The conversation flowed freely as it always had in the past. Throughout the day, JJ couldn't keeptwo thoughts from crossing her mind; how nervous she was to talk about the subject they were avoiding, and how much she wanted to pull her close and kiss her. In fact the whole time they were at Mike's it was all JJ could think about.

JJ wrapped up her shower and was trying to figure out what to wear. She called out to Emily. "Hey ,Em?"

Emily walked from the kitchen to the hallway, "Yeah? Do you need something?"

JJ appeared in the bathroom doorway in nothing but a towel. Emily had to consciously keep her mouth from dropping open. _Oh, my god she's beautiful. _Emily let her eyes wander from top to bottom before she forced herself to make eye contact. "Did you need something?" she repeated.

JJ noticed Emily's reaction and blushed slightly. She hadn't even considered she was dressed only in a towel when she called out for her. "I was just wondering how cold it gets at night so I can figure out what to wear."

"Oh, well you're probably ok in shorts and t-shirt for now. I would just keep a sweatshirt or something warmer handy for when the sun goes down. We can build a fire in the pit later on if you like too."

"Sounds good. Thanks." JJ smiled as she turned to walk toward the bedroom adjusting the towel as she walked giving Emily just a quick view of a little more skin before shutting the door. Shutting the door JJ giggled and was secretly pleased with herself for being such a flirt.

Meanwhile, Emily closed her eyes and tried to etch the most recent image of JJ in her brain forever.

By the time they had finished dinner it was well after 8pm. They had decided to forgo the fire as they heard some thunder in the distance. Instead, Emily lit a few candles and they enjoyed the rest of their wine while they watched a storm come in across the lake. Conversation was relatively easy as JJ caught Emily up on things back in DC. Emily shared a few short stories of her travels in Europe as well. Both were very content to sit in each other's company without being too verbose.

The storm which had been forming across the lake was now much closer. The wind picked up and the air was starting to cool.

"We should probably pick up and move this party inside. " Emily concluded. "The screened porch is a great spot for watching storms. If it gets too cold we can always shut some of the windows."

JJ nodded her agreement and grabbed the remaining items off the table and moved them to the inside as Emily stacked the chairs and cranked the table umbrella down. She then went down to chck the security of the boat and to pick up the remaining items left out on the dock. By the time Emily got inside, the storm had practically arrived. JJ looked around for somewhere to sit and saw there was simply a double futon and a coffee table. She set the wine and glasses on the table and tried to figure out where to sit. The truth is JJ hated thunderstorms. She always had but Emily seemed so excited at the prospect of sitting here to watch it. JJ sat down on the futon as far away from the nearest window as she could get. Emily walked over.

"Here lean forward just a bit." Emily pointed. As JJ leaned Emily adjusted the futon so it was in a slightly more reclined position. "More comfortable?" Emily asked as she sat down.

"Yeah, that's nice." JJ responded as a streak of lightening ran through the sky making her jump. She rubbed her forehead with her palm trying to calm herself.

"JJ, are you ok?" Emily scooted a little closer.

"Umm, I… it's just. Oh, this is stupid but I've always been a little afraid of thunderstorms." JJ admitted.

"Hey, we don't have to stay out here. I didn't know. "Emily said softly. "Let's go inside"

"No. No. I need to grow up sometime." JJ tried to laugh it off.

"Jen, it's ok. We can go in." Emily said more firmly and stood up.

_Jen. There is was again._ Suddenly, JJ felt safer. Reaching for Emily's arm "No. I'll be fine. Besides watching it over a lake is probably the best way to see one, right?"

"I think so but if you change your mind it's ok. I don't mind going inside" Emily insisted.

JJ nodded and leaned back into the futon. She took a long sip of wine and a deep breath_. Emily seemed so excited about sitting out here_. She set her wine glass down on the table and convinced herself to embrace it. Just then a streak of lightening ran across the sky over the lake. She had to admit it was pretty cool. However, that thought no sooner formed in head when a tremendous clap of thunder ripped through the house causing JJ to flinch. Immediately, she felt Emily move closer and before she could look over Emily's hand was wrapped around hers. JJ leaned into Emily's touch and eventually laid her head on Emily's shoulder.

Surprisingly, JJ dozed off. When she woke up she noted the futon had been reclined back a little further and a blanket was now wrapped around her. As she shifted slightly she felt something else, something warmer. Emily was lying next to her with an arm wrapped almost protectively around JJ's midsection. JJ smiled to herself and relaxed into Emily's body. She could hear small almost purring sounds coming from Emily as she slept. JJ closed her eyes letting the emotion of the moment flow through chest. It was exactly how she imagined it could be. JJ eventually fell back asleep but not before intertwining her fingers with Emily's. It was perfect.


	12. Chapter 12

**Errors are mine. Reviews are encouraged as are any ideas on where to take this story. Hope those of you affected by the hurricane are ok.**

As the morning light made its way onto the porch, Emily stirred to a slow awakening. It wasn't until she opened her eyes that she fully remembered falling asleep on the futon with JJ. Looking down Emily noted not only did she have both arms around the sleeping blond, but JJ's head was nestled into her side. At first Emily panicked at the position they were in. _Would JJ freak out? _ Emily looked at her watch. It was only 6:45. Emily closed her eyes and tried to think of a way out. Truth be told she didn't want out. Laying here with JJ in her arms fulfilled her most farfetched dreams. She took a deep breath and allowed he self to really feel the warmth of JJ next to her. For the second time in two days Emily tried to burn a moment and the sight of JJ into her mind. Despite her better judgment and not knowing if she would ever get this opportunity again, she feigned sleep rather than trying to move.

Emily laid there wither eyes closed enjoying the moment of closeness she was stealing. Even if this was the first and last time JJ was in her arms it would go down as one of the best mornings of her life. That thought ultimately led Emily to consider the conversation they both needed to have. They couldn't ignore the written exchanges while Emily was in hiding. She hadn't wanted to bring it up yesterday as there were so many other things to process. She was safe, Doyle was gone, and she could finally put that life behind her. But now she needed to start thinking about the life ahead of her. A life she wanted with JJ.

As Emily was contemplating how to initiate the conversation with JJ, she heard a slight sound followed by a little movement near her legs. JJ was waking up. Emily remained still and continued to feign sleep.

JJ opened her eyes and couldn't believe the position she was in. Her head was practically on Emily's chest and she had one arm wrapped around her waist. _Holy shit. Holy shit! Think JJ! _JJ thought back to the night before and remembered waking up with a blanket and Emily's arms around her. JJ smiled slightly at the closeness and the gesture. As she was thinking what to do, JJ remembered the promise she made to herself before the drive to the mountains. _No running from how you feel. No more hiding from this_. _Emily wouldn't have lied down next to me or held me if she didn't feel the same. Would she?_ _No, no way. Here goes nothing._

JJ turned and lifted her head so she could see Emily's face. Her eyes were closed. God she was beautiful. JJ couldn't help herself and reached forward to brush a few strands of hair away from Emily's eyes. As she did Emily's eyes fluttered open.

"Hey there." JJ smiled looking up at Emily keeping her arm firmly around Emily's waist.

"Good morning." Emily said barely above a whisper as her breath caught in her throat. _Did she just brush the hair off my face? She's not freaking out. Her arm is still wrapped around me._

"Did you sleep well?"

Emily thought for a second. Actually she had slept like a rock. She couldn't remember the last time she slept through the night. "Yeah, I did. I think that may be the best I've slept in months."

"Good. I slept really well too." JJ smiled and looked Emily right in the eye. "I have a whole new perspective on thunderstorms. Apparently they aren't near as scary when you're are around." JJ blushed slightly at the admission. _I'm such a dork._

Emily smiled. "Thank you." She said softly.

"For what? "JJ frowned.

Emily gently placed her hand on JJ's arm. "For being here. For personally coming to tell me I could live again." She took a deep breath and looked away not feeling confident about making eye contact.

JJ smiled and gave Emily a little squeeze. "There was no way I was letting anyone other else come give you the news." She paused. "Em, there is nowhere else I want to be than right here with you. "

Emily looked back at JJ who was now lying next to her with her head propped up on her arm. She was beautiful and in that moment all Emily wanted to do was pull her close, to kiss her, to tell her everything she was feeling. "I'm glad."

JJ gave Emily a wink. "How about I get some coffee on and you get ready to show me all these new fishing skills you have?"

Emily sat up. "Sounds like a plan. Prepare to be impressed with my woodsy ways."

JJ giggled then remembered. "Oh, I have something for you. Come here."

They both got up and Emily followed JJ to the bedroom where she started rummaging through her luggage. JJ turned around and produced Emily's favorite Yale t-shirt and shorts.

"I thought you might like some of your things." JJ handed them to Emily then turned back around and grabbed several other items. "Oh, and I grabbed two of your favorite outfits. I know you had to go out and get a new wardrobe, but I thought you might like some of your old clothes to help you get things… you know… back to normal."

Emily stared at the clothes JJ handed her. It was a small gesture but a thoughtful one. "I figured you would have gotten rid of everything."

JJ set the remaining clothes on the bed and tipped her head to the side in disbelief. "Emily, I always knew you would come home. I packed up your things but I kept them. I never stopped believing you would come back. "JJ stepped forward. "I never once, gave upon you. I couldn't."

Emily continued staring at the t-shirt in her hand as tears welled up in her eyes. JJ reached out, lifted Emily's chin up, and looked her right in the eyes. "I refused to believe that night in Paris was the last time I'd see you. Especially….especially, when there were so many things I wanted to say to you that night that I didn't. "

"That was the worst day of my life, Jen. I never said half the things I should have that night. I just walked away. I left with barely even with a thank you for all you did to keep me safe and the lies you had to tell." Emily said earnestly as JJ continued to hold her chin. I tear escaped her left eye as she continued. "I'm so sorry, JJ. "

JJ lovingly used her thumb to catch the tear as it rolled down Emily's cheek. "Emily, there is nothing for you to be sorry for." At Jennifer's kind words and soft touch Emily couldn't stop the tears that now came. She tried to pull away except JJ was having none of it and pulled her fiercely close and held her tight. "I never gave up on you. I missed you so much, Emily. A part of me kept your things as a way to keep the hope alive that you would come home and that you would stay safe. I wasn't about to throw away any hope of seeing you again."

Emily couldn't believe what she was hearing. JJ missed her and held on to her things. They held each other tight, both crying and neither wanting to let go. The sound of the coffee maker broke the silence. Emily laughed and pulled away. "Is that still your favorite sound?"

"Yeah, it is." JJ laughed out loud and wiped her eyes.

"Well then let's get this day started!" Emily said as she grabbed a tissue.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks for all the reviews. I'm getting to the good part soon (wink, wink). Enjoy the long weekend!**

After having coffee and a quick breakfast of toast and jelly, Emily and JJ made their way down to the boat. Since the hug in the bedroom both had kept the conversation light but each had secretly cursed themselves for letting the moment end as it had.

They grabbed the fishing gear along with a cooler filled with drinks and a few snacks and took to the boat. Emily easily pulled away from the dock and made her way down the lake taking her time so JJ could take in the scenery from the lake. Neither said much as Emily navigated the boat across the water. It was such a beautiful morning and it had warmed up quickly. About 30 minutes later Emily steered toward a small cove out of sight from the few houses and anyone else who might be boating. She had found this spot the first day she went out on her own to fish. She liked it because of the privacy; she never saw anyone else there, and she usually had pretty good luck with the fish.

As she spun the boat into position to drop the anchor, JJ moved to the bow to get a better look at their mooring spot. The sight of JJ caught Emily's eye for a second. She was dressed in light shorts and a tank top. Emily knowing JJ had her bikini on underneath lead Emily to think of all sorts of inappropriate things. Emily no sooner dropped the anchor when JJ pulled the tank top off revealing a deep blue bikini top that was cut low in all the right places. _Breathtaking! How am I going to be able to carry on any conversation much less fish?_

Once anchored in they each baited and cast their lines. Within an hour each caught and released several fish. They both enjoyed the quiet time which included a considerable amount of laughing over the fact Emily was fishing at all. Of course JJ couldn't help but tease Emily about her new skill. The truth is Emily really had become quite the fisherman in a short period of time. It also wasn't lost on JJ that Emily bit her lip when casting and reeling in a catch in the same way she would bite her lip when mulling over a case. It was one of the things JJ first noticed about Emily when they met three years ago and she found it incredibly sexy.

Because she was too busy stealing glances at Emily hoping she would eventually remove her shirt and being out of practice JJ had gotten her line tangled several times. This required Emily's assistance to get her untangled with each hang up. She had just cast and again got her line tangled only this time it was wrapped up on a tree near the shore.

"Jareau, I thought you knew how to fish." Emily teased.

"I do, I'm just getting my timing down. Plus your mad fishing skills are making me nervous. "

"I'm making you nervous? Gimme a break. Surely you got a better excuse than that!" Emily said as she climbed off the swim deck and into the water. The water wasn't that deep so she waded over to the tree branch where JJ's line was caught. Having freed the line she swam back to the boat and climbed back in.

"Emily it's 90 degrees out. Why are you still wearing, and swimming around in your tank top and shorts? Get some sun. I see that killer tan you've been working on." JJ asked still hoping to see Emily with a little less clothing.

Emily snapped her head up from drying her legs and looked at JJ. She immediately calmed herself as she initially panicked. _Shit what do I say?_ Thinking quickly. "I think I got too much the other day so I want to take a break."

Looking at Emily it was clear she wasn't being truthful. JJ considered calling her out but then something dawned on her. Clearing her throat she spoke. "Em, is there a scar from where Doyle stabbed you? Is that it?"

Emily finished toweling herself off before sitting down in the captain's chair of the boat. She knew she had to come clean. Come clean about everything_. Maybe it's better not to drag it out and just get it all out in the open._ She took a deep breath and responded. "Yes I have a scar from where he impaled me. But that's not all."

"Then what is it Emily? And don't tell me you're self-conscious about a scar. It's just us out here."

Emily shook her head and smiled a wry, tight smile. "JJ that night in Boston, before you all found me, he…. Doyle. He tied me to that chair. He wanted to make me his forever or something. So his idea of doing so was to essentially brand me."

"Brand you? What do you mean branded you?" JJ was horrified.

"He basically etched...burned… a clover into my chest so I could never forget him. He said this way we would always be together."

"Oh, God. Emily what did he do?" JJ said softly and made her way over to Emily.

Emily turned away from JJ. _Just tell her Prentiss! Sooner or later it's all going to come out._ Taking a deep breath, she turned back toward JJ who was now standing in front of her. Then she slowly removed her tank top revealing the marking just above her breast. Setting the tank top on the steering wheel of the boat she simply turned and stared out at the lake while JJ knelt down and took in the scar. For several seconds all you could hear was the lapping of the water against the boat. _JJ is surely disgusted_. Emily was now fighting against her tears for the second time today. This time wasn't in gratitude. It was because she believed once her dark existence was all was in the open JJ wouldn't want much to do with her. _Suck it up Prentiss, suck it up. You chose your course in life now live with it._

JJ took in a slow deep breath but said nothing. _What she must have gone through that night._ The scar was clearly supposed to be a 4 leaf clover but it was haphazard and messy as if a child drew it. It was red and raised against Emily's flawless, fair skin. JJ continued to look at the marking and couldn't help but wonder how much it had hurt and how many times since Emily had to look at it. _Every time she looks in the mirror._

Not wanting the silence to continue Emily spoke. "I'm sorry." she muttered.

JJ looked up in shock. "Emily, what do you have to be sorry for? Because he scarred you?"

Emily looked into JJ's eyes wanting to be open and totally honest. "No, it's not just the scar. My past, JJ. The things I've done. What I had to do when I was with Interpol to keep my cover. The lies, the charade, and the person I had to be. What I had to be when I was with him." Emily pointed at the clover." This scar and the other," pointing at her abdomen." it's always going to be there. Reminding me of all I've done. The weapons I sold to him that could have been used to kill innocent women and children. It will be a constant reminder to you every time you see me."

"Emily you were doing your job." JJ reasoned

Emily closed her eyes and softened her tone. "There is more to it than that. I'm not proud JJ, but I don't know if I could have done things any differently. I had to be someone else. I had to live a life that included a relationship with Doyle. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

JJ nodded. "Emily he did this to you, you didn't bring this on. He was an animal."

Emily shook her head. "Yes he was an animal, but JJ, I had to be the animal too. When I was under cover I had to… I had to make it real. I had to make the relationship with Doyle real. It had to be physically real." Emily took a deep breath. _Just say it_. "JJ, I slept with him for almost a year."

JJ dropped her eyes to the floor. While she never consciously thought about it she knew Emily's assignment with Interpol was one that would test anyone's morality and would push anyone's normal boundaries of right and wrong. She also knew once into one of these assignments it often became a game of survival to maintain your cover and safety.

JJ remained quiet but looked back up into Emily's eyes. She saw so much pain and wanted to take it all away. To erase it. Taking Emily's hands in her own, JJ spoke.

"Emily, do you know what I see when I look at these scars?" JJ took her left hand and gently traced her fingers across the clover. Emily tensed and closed her eyes.

"Em, look at me. I need to know you are hearing what I am saying." JJ said firmly. Emily opened her eyes and looked into JJ's deep blue ones.

"When I look at these scars I see how close I came to losing you. What a fool I was for never telling you how I really felt. For letting so much time pass without being honest with myself about my feelings for you. So yes, it IS a reminder. A reminder to never take for granted a minute with you. A reminder to always be honest with myself and my feelings for you. A reminder to never let a day go by without telling you what you mean to me."

Tears began to give way in Emily's eyes as she lost the battle to control her emotions. Meekly she asked the question she had wanted to ask since JJ arrived. "What... what do I mean to you? I mean... I got your letter of course... but I wasn't sure. It wasn't just you trying to help me feel better about my situation?" Emily sighed heavily.

JJ shook her head and a small, modest smile crossed her lips. "You know you are impossibly dense sometimes." She looked at Emily as sincerely as she could trying to convey her feelings with her eyes as well as her words. "Emily, I meant every word." squeezing her hand. "I love you. You are my best friend and have been for several years. But somewhere in there I fell head over heels for you. I've been in love with you for God knows how long, maybe since the day we met. I should have told you but I always used the excuse of not ruining our friendship. That having part of you was better than none of you"

Emily nodded. "Yeah I get that."

"Every day since I left you at that cafe I've thought about you and how foolish it was to let so much time pass without telling you. How I let you walk away that day in Paris and didn't tell you the truth. I hated myself and hated that I might never get a chance to tell you.

JJ stopped and pulled the cooler over for her to sit on and moved as close to Emily as she could. Placing a hand on Emily's thigh she went on.

"When I got your letter it was the happiest day and the worst day of my life. The fact you felt the same was incredible. The fact we could do nothing about it tore me apart. I've spent more days crying than not since that day wondering when, or if, I would ever see you again. I've looked at that picture of us so many times I've worn that damn thing out."

"The same one you sent me?" Emily asked quietly.

"Yeah, that one. It's always been one of my favorites. You were so happy and unguarded in the picture. It captures the Emily I know that no one else gets to see." JJ smiled.

Emily reached into her back pocket and produced her copy of the picture wrapped in plastic. She held it up for JJ. They both laughed. "Since the day I received it, I've never been without it." Emily declared.

They looked up from the picture at the same time and their gazes locked. In that moment their eyes conveyed all the love that each of them had for the other. Emily leaned in slightly with lips parted. JJ closed her eyes and met the brunette halfway. Their lips met tentatively, lovingly. Neither wanting to push too hard but both wanting to convey their love for the other. Lips moved gently on soft lips each taking delicate yet full nips at each other's mouth. Neither dominated or demanded of the other instead it was painfully slow and sweet.

They finally separated with foreheads pressed together. Clearly embarrassed Emily spoke first. "I never let myself believe the day would come when I could do that."

"Me either. But I hoped every day I would get the chance." JJ breathed and shifted her head so she could claim Emily's lips again. Each moved slowly, deliberately not wanting to rush.

Out of breath they finally pulled apart. Eyes still closed Emily whispered. "Wow."

"Yeah, wow." JJ smiled and pulled away.

Emily opened her eyes and pulled away slightly. Her soften look turned more serious. "JJ, I want to do this right. I want to... well... I want to date you. I don't think we should skip over the whole courting thing"

JJ burst out in laughter then immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry. You want to court me? Em, we aren't 80 years old."

Emily stood and gave JJ a playful shove "You know what I mean. I want the whole experience with you. The dating, stealing glances, wondering if I should call, the awkward moments of not knowing whether I should kiss you or hold your hand…all of it."

JJ giggled." I get it. God you're cute." After thinking for a moment she looked up at Emily. "Haven't we spent the last few years doing most of that except for labeling our nights out as 'dates'?"

Emily furrowed her brow. "I guess you're right."

JJ sensed there was more. "Is there something else?"

Emily began pacing near the swim deck. "No. Yes. It's just…. for the first time in years my past can finally be put behind me. Not only that, I know what I want in life and I can finally move forward. I don't want to screw it up by moving too fast or too slow. It's too important to me. You're too important to me. "

"I'm not going anywhere Emily." JJ stood up and walked over to Emily. Taking her hand and turning her around JJ whispered, "You already have me. "

"I do?"

"Yes you do. I'll put it in writing again if you want." JJ replied and gave Emily's hand a small squeeze.

Emily wanted to say the words that were in her heart. The three words she had wanted to say forever, but her head was winning the battle over her heart at the moment. _Don't push it Prentiss. Don't push so hard. _Just as that thought entered her head she heard a rumble of thunder in the distance. She looked up and noticed darkening skies to the west just beyond the mountain top.

"Oh shit. JJ we gotta roll. We don't want to be out here during a storm." Emily quickly sprang into action as she fired up the motor and headed for the anchor. Once the anchor was up she walked quickly back to JJ who was packing up all the fishing gear. She grabbed her lightly from behind and whispered, "Thank you," then kissed her on the back of the neck before making her way to the throttle.

"Hang on!" Emily shouted over the engine as she floored it winking at JJ.


	14. Chapter 14

**Ok. This chapter should be at least NC-17. I've never written this sort of thing so don't get your hopes up that you'll be needing a cold shower. **

**It may be a while before I continue as I have lots going on over the next few weeks and I have no real plan on where I will take the story from here. I'm sure I will find inspiration somewhere on how to progress. **

They arrived at the cabin in record time and had beaten the storm. Both entered the house slightly out of breath after docking the boat, grabbing their gear, and running to the porch. They decided to quickly get showered and changed before the storm really hit and went their separate ways once they got in the house. Just as Emily had removed her bathing suit she heard a loud crash.

"JJ what was that?" she shouted from one of the bedrooms.

"Emily, the umbrella and chairs have blown off the deck."

"Shit." Emily muttered as she pulled her shorts back on then grabbed a white wife beater. "I'll get it." She yelled as she made her way out of the bedroom.

Emily ran out the back door to retrieve the run-away lawn furniture. As soon as she got in the yard the skies opened. She quickly worked to get the chairs corralled and folded but the umbrella had blown almost to the lake. Ultimately saving it, she dragged it under the porch before coming back in the house. She was soaking wet.

JJ having watched the whole scene from the bathroom window grabbed several towels and hurried to the screen porch. "Em, hang on I've got towels." She called.

JJ got to the doorway fully expecting to see a drenched Emily. What she wasn't prepared for was the sight in front of her that stopped her dead in her tracks. There Emily stood dripping wet in a white wife beater. Her dark, hardened nipples showing through the thin material as beads of water fell across her face to her chest then ran down her breast to her cleavage. It had to be the sexiest thing JJ had ever witnessed. Breathless, she simply stood in the doorway staring.

Emily looked at her inquisitively. "Hello, JJ? Towels?" Then Emily looked down to where JJ was looking and saw how flimsy the tank top really was. Emily was both self-conscious and aroused at the thought of JJ seeing her this way. She wanted to cover herself but couldn't get her hands to move rather she kept her eyes on the reaction she was receiving from JJ.

"Oh,sorry." JJ stepped forward not taking her eyes off of Emily. She took a towel and brought it around Emily's back side so she was essentially holding Emily in place with the towel wrapped around her back. It was as if JJ lost all control in that moment. Using the towel she pulled Emily into her and kissed her with all she had. Emily did not hesitate to return JJ's advances. Lips met feverishly, nipping and pecking with reckless abandon. Emily opened her mouth and ran her tongue along JJs lips. JJ gladly obliged and opened her mouth inviting Emily's tongue to mingle with her own. They softly battled for dominance as they massaged each other's tongues. Emily's hands made their way under JJ's shirt and were running up and down the soft skin of JJ's back. JJ moaned at the touch feeling moisture rushing to her core. She ran her hands up Emily's chest where she grazed both thumbs over Emily's, wet, hard nipples. Now it was Emily's turn to moan.

JJ tipped her head downward and replaced one hand with her mouth, sucking and licking a nipple through Emily's shirt. Then moved to the other sucking and biting gently.

"Christ, Jen." Emily breathed.

JJ continued to provide Emily's nipples attention but was quickly annoyed by the tank top. Dropping the towel, she grabbed the hem of Emily's shirt and quickly brought it over Emily's head. As she removed the shirt she caught Emily's eyes. They were dark and lustful, but she also could sense the trepidation. Blue eyes stared intently into brown eyes then JJ whispered. "I love you Emily."

Emily eye's flickered at JJ's words before she bent down and again claimed JJ's lips but their previously gentle kisses now turned aggressive and passionate. Emily's hands had snaked inside JJ's shorts where she was now massaging and cupping her firm ass cheeks. At Emily's touch JJ could feel the moisture pooling below. JJ freed her lips from Emily's and began applying small soft kisses down her cheek, across her jaw line , then to her neck. Emily, completely saturated in arousal, brought her hands around from JJ's ass and ran them up her taut abdomen ultimately cupping her breasts. Emily gently kneaded the soft full mounds and alternatives rolled the nipples between her index finger and thumb. JJ continued her downward path to Emily's right shoulder and trailed kisses and tongue across Emily's' upper chest toward the other shoulder. She stopped just above the scar above Emily's left breast and then moved her fingers gently over the scar followed by her cheek where she lovingly nuzzled against it. "I love you so much Emily. I love all of you." To that JJ took Emily's left nipple into her mouth and gently sucked. Emily gasped in pleasure and walked JJ backwards toward the futon where she gently laid JJ on her back. Stepping back Emily removed her shorts allowing JJ full view of her athletic, sensual body. All while maintaining eye contact with Emily JJ also removed her shorts, then reached out her hand to pull Emily on top of her.

As their bodies melded Emily's leg met JJ's center which was incredibly wet. Alive with arousal and passion Emily repositioned her body so that her core was rubbing against JJ's pussy. Finding JJ's lips, Emily began to slowly grind into JJ allowing their juices to pool together eliciting a sound that completely put JJ over the edge. "Em, ohhh. Don't stop. Please don't ever stop." Hardly needing the encouragement Emily ground even harder into JJ feeling her own release closing in. Not wanting it to end so quickly she slowly stopped and moved to JJ's side. She began kissing JJ's neck and moved slowly to her breasts where she provided ample attention with both tongue and lips. While ravishing JJ's chest Emily's fingers slowly glided over JJ.s stomach toward her center. Reaching the ultimate destination Emily groaned at how wet she found JJ to be and began long soft strokes against her clit. The smell and feel of JJ's arousal drove Emily's need to taste her lover. Emily began trailing kissed down her lovers stomach in search of her ultimate goal.

JJ grabbed Emily's shoulders and pulled her back to face level. Cupping Emily's, face JJ whispered. "This isn't about me. This is about you tonight. It's about me showing you how much I love you and how happy you make me. About how happy I am you are back"

It was more of a directive that a request. With that JJ rolled them both so she was positioned on top and began her caresses beginning at Emily's neck, to her breasts, and then to the area near Emily's hip bone. She lovingly licked and kissed where the abdomen meets the thigh while her hands gently caressed Emily's inner thighs. "Jen, please… please touch me" Emily was beyond ready and rose her hips off the bed to further make her point. JJ smiled knowing Emily did not want to wait any longer she shifted her position hovering over her sex. At first JJ remained in place looking up and down Emily's beautiful body wondering how she was so lucky to have to have gotten to this place. She then redirected her attention to Emily's waiting center. Bending down she extended her tongue for a long slow lick along Emily's slit knowing she was tasting Emily as well as herself. She gave another long lick before she focused all attention on Emily's clit running circles and applying just the right amount of pressure to elicit breathless words and sounds from Emily. Emily's hips rose off the futon to ensure even more contact. To that JJ took one finger and gently eased it in to Emily while maintaining the focus on her clit. Her walls were like silk as she felt Emily getting wetter with each touch. Feeling her lover was ready she inserted a second finger and began a methodical repetition of fingers and tongue. "Oh Jen, keep going." to that JJ began to pump more furiously in and out of Emily. The sounds of Emily's desire emanated throughout the room as a clap of thunder rang loudly in the background.

JJ sensing Emily was close curled her finger inside of her. Emily squealed and bucked her hips even more. JJ continued to bring Emily to the edge. She eventually looked up at her to see she was grabbing at the futon with eyes squeezed shut. "Come on Em, let it go sweetie." At JJ's encouragement Emily came and rode out her orgasm as long as she could. JJ applied light kisses on her clit as she slowly withdrew her fingers. JJ, having already become addicted to Emily's taste, proceeded to lap up all the moisture that remained before repositioning herself next to her lover.

Emily, coming down from her state of bliss relaxed into JJ's arms and tried to catch her breath. _What just happened? This really can't be happening. I'm with JJ! _Suddenly, it was as if all the events of the last 36 hours fully dawned on her and she was quickly overcome with emotion. A sob escaped much louder than she anticipated but once the first got out her entire body shuddered as she could not control her feelings. Despite her best efforts she wept openly and loudly in JJ's arms.

"Shhhh it's ok. Emily honey what is it?" JJ was worried as she gently pulled away to look at Emily. _Had they gone too fast?_

As JJ pulled away Emily held JJ tighter and continued to cry. Confused, JJ kept silent and continued to hold Emily stroking her hair and whispering reassuring words in her ear. After several minutes Emily's cries grew softer and her breathing returned to normal. She pulled away slowly and wiped her face eventually meeting JJ's concerned eyes.

Emily seeing the concern on JJ's faced offered a smile and spoke. "It's just… so much has happened in the last two days." She stroked JJ's face with the back of her hand. "I never thought this day would come where I would be with you, all of you."

"I love you so much Jennifer." Emily looked intently into JJ's eyes. "I've loved you for so long that I can't remember I time when I didn't. I was so worried you really didn't feel the same way. For weeks I doubted your letter and thought your response could simply be to help me get through it all. "

"Emily…" JJ started but Emily interrupted.

"No, please let me finish. Then I was convinced you would hate me for my past. That you would think so much less of me for all I had done. But here you are telling me everything I've wanted to hear and showing me all the love I always wanted to feel. If I thought I had fallen for you before it's nothing compared to how I feel now. "

Emily took breath and looked at JJ who now had tears spilling down her cheeks. Emily wiped one of her cheeks." I love you Jennifer. You've given me my life back and a reason to for a future. And I want to spend that future loving you."

JJ was taken by Emily's raw honesty. It was nothing she had ever seen or heard from the brunette. She could literally see the weight being lifted and her compartments emptying. JJ always thought Emily was beautiful but never as beautiful as she looked in this moment. "I love you. And I can't think of a better way to spend my life."

They held on to each other tightly and relishing in the fact they had finally gotten to this place. Neither wanting to let go or let the closeness end. After several minutes JJ finally broke the silence.

"I'm really starting to rethink my opinion on thunderstorms. "JJ giggled into Emily's neck.

Emily laughed and pulled away. "I hoped you might warm up to them. But I just have one question."

"What's that?"

"Do I have to wait for the next storm to return the favor?" Emily winked.

JJ pulled Emily close and whispered. "No. I'm pretty sure we can make our own thunder." JJ then leaned in for a searing kiss that ended in several hours of returning favors.


	15. Chapter 15

**I had a wave of inspiration to get back to my story while watching CM the other night. Sorry for the delay. Is it just me or does AJ Cook look hotter and hotter with every new episode? I've always preferred Paget to AJ, but I'm starting to rethink my preference. **

Emily woke up to a tangle of arms and legs. During the evening she and JJ eventually made their way to the bedroom where they succumbed to a night of consummating their love for each other. As she opened her eyes she was immediately drawn to the sight of the beautiful blond lying next to her. Wiping a strand of hair from JJ's face Emily leaned over a pressed her lips lightly to Jennifer's temple. Leaning back she simply allowed her eyes to gaze across JJ's features.

_Is this really happening? _Emily wondered and smiled as she recalled the evening they had shared_. My god she is beautiful. No. She's perfect. _Emily adjusted her position and pulled JJ closer to her; pulling her head to her chest and draping her arm across JJ's body. Closing her eyes and breathing in heavily, Emily tried to fully capture this moment and etch it in her memory forever. Never in her life could she recall being so fulfilled or having exactly what she wanted. Rather, she had everything she needed. Jennifer was always what she wanted but she didn't realize until his moment that Jennifer was what she needed. Emily had always wanted love or to be loved. She had managed so long without it that that the lines between need and want blurred. And never before had Emily felt that need reciprocated. Emily thought back on their relationship and realized how much had been reciprocated between them over the last few years. She smiled slightly at how insanely stupid they had both been about not acknowledging their feelings for one another sooner. Although, in retrospect it may have been a good thing as the bond of friendship between them was forged so strongly it would be the very foundation that will enable them to have a long life together. With each finally revealing their ultimate secret, there were no barriers to their love any longer. It was always pure but now it is fully open and known.

"What are you thinking about?" JJ asked quietly startling Emily slightly. "I can actually feel those wheels turning you know." JJ continued smiling into Emily's soft breasts.

Emily chuckled slightly. "Lots of things I guess."

JJ lifted her head and kissed Emily's neck. "Like what?"

"Well…for starters how happy I am right now. "

"Oh yeah? What else?" JJ pressed.

"Actually I was thinking how in some weird way it may have been better that we were friends for so long before…. this." Emily paused a moment. "I feel like we share a much stronger bond because of it. I don't know how to explain it."

JJ pulled back and looked at Emily. "I know what you mean. You are my best friend and have been for so long. You may be right that it ultimately worked out this way. We know each other so well. But I still hate we wasted so much time dancing around our true feelings. "

Emily looked back at JJ and brushed her fingers across JJ's cheek. "I love you. So, so much Jennifer. " Emily then leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. Pulling back she continued stroking JJ's cheeks and smiled. "I could get lost in those blue eyes of yours. You know that?"

JJ giggled. "I just might let you get lost. And for future reference, I love it when you call me Jennifer."

JJ leaned in for another kiss. "I love you Em. I can't remember a time when I didn't."

After a few moments of light kissing they became more heated. Tongues began another battle for dominance as hands began to roam freely across exposed skin. In a matter of minutes Emily had gone from content to a maddened state of arousal. She rolled them both over until she was on top of JJ and began a path of kisses from JJ'sr neck to her left nipple where she slowly, almost painfully licked every inch of the soft swell and nipped at the erect bud. JJ moaned into Emily's touch arching her hips and back upward in an effort to increase the contact. Emily smiled and lifted her own hips away from JJ in a teasing manner. "You need to wait young lady. I plan to take my time with you this morning." Emily then made her way to JJ's right breast where she provided the same sweet and oh-so-slow attention.

"God Em… oh…I need you." JJ huffed and ran her nails lightly up and down Emily's back. Reaching down she began stroking just above the crack of Emily's ass with one hand while squeezing Emily's cheeks with the other. Because Emily was still on her knees refusing to give JJ more contact than necessary, JJ was able to continue her fingers on a downward path through Emily's crack toward her center. JJ reached Emily's center and gasped at how wet she found the brunette to be. Coating her finger with Emily's desire she began to message Emily's center, gently moving from her clit to her ass hole where she lingered a bit. "Jennifer." Emily bucked at JJ's actions and was both surprised and pleased at JJ's boldness. "I can't believe how wet you are. " JJ breathed. "Em, I need you so badly. Please baby."

Emily regained her senses and continued trailing her tongue from JJ's nipples, across her abs, and finally stopping to taste every inch of her hips and upper thigh. Bucking, JJ spread her legs wider as Emily moved closer to her ultimate destination. JJ literally could feel her arousal dripping down toward the bed sheets.

Emily lifted her head and looked up at the blond who was now breathing heavily with eyes squeezed shut. Choosing to end JJ's suffering she adjusted her elbows and positioned herself directly between JJ's legs. Inhaling JJ's unique scent she reached out and gently brushed her fingers across JJ's clit. JJ jerked and moaned at Emily's touch. Emily continued to lightly rub JJ's clit not wanting to bring her to the edge too quickly. Emily then moved her fingers further south where she spread JJ's lips and bent in to apply a long lick to JJ's slit. Emily couldn't believe how unbelievable JJ tasted and began what can only be described as devouring the blond. After what seemed like eternity for JJ, "Emily please I need you inside me," JJ cried as she opened her legs further and lifted her hips. Emily rolled JJ onto her side and collecting her sex on her fingers then slowly eased two digits into JJ. Emily began pumping, slowly at first still wanting to make it last. While continuing her ministrations in JJ, Emily eventually began rubbing JJ's clit with her other hand. She increased her speed before too long and sought out the spot inside JJ that would bring her over the edge. "So close… don't stop." JJ panted. Emily, wanting to throw her over the edge continued pumping her fingers inside JJ while fingering her clit but now dared to lean in and apply the tip of her tongue to JJ's crinkled hole where she applied light, loving licks. That was it. The magic of Emily's fingers combined with the sensations of Emily's tongue on the entrance of her ass hole sent JJ over. She bucked and almost bounded off the bed as the orgasm overtook her entire body. Emily helped her ride the orgasm to the end as she gently continued the movements of her fingers. Once JJ's breathing began to settle Emily removed her fingers and climbed back up toward JJ where she wrapped her arms around her with her chest flush against JJ's back.

After several minutes JJ took a deep breath and pulled Emily impossibly closer. "That was unreal."

"I hope I didn't cross a line? I just.. .well it seemed right and well you were doing your own touching with me…" Emily whispered.

"No not at all. I mean I've never really gone there and I'm not sure I want to but that…that was fine. Ok, it was more than fine." JJ snickered as she rolled over and looked right at Emily.

"I never want to do anything to make you uncomfortable. After last night I want to give you any and all the pleasure I possibly can." Emily swore.

"Emily, I am certain you won't ever have any trouble in that department." JJ smiled and kissed her lightly.

Looking over at the nightstand clock Emily giggled. "Look at the time it's almost noon. What should we do today?"

JJ raised one eyebrow." I know one thing we can do… wink, wink"

"Now Agent Jareau, is that all you can think about?"

Pretending to pout JJ responded. "I don't think what I heard from you last night were sounds of protest." JJ reached down and slipped her hand between Emily's thighs. "Besides I can't leave you hanging. "

Gasping at JJ's feathered touch Emily laughed. "Baby, as much as I want it and want you, I got quite a workout last night. Can I get a rain check for later?"

JJ frowned but didn't argue. "Ok. How about some coffee while we figure out what were gonna do today?"

"Perfect. You stay here. And I'll get it started. "Emily offered and leaned in to kiss JJ.

"Oh, boy! I get room service!"

"And here I thought I just gave you room service!" Emily teased with a wink.

Emily got out of bed and made her way somewhat gingerly to the door. This did not go unnoticed by JJ and she now realized why Emily needed the rain check. "Problems walking this morning Prentiss?"

Emily turned around. "Let's just say I used muscles I forget existed. It's been a long time since I worked out. " She made air quotations as she said 'worked out'.

"Well don't blame me. I'm not the least bit surprised given your insatiable appetite last night."

"My appetite! You started it may I remind you?" Emily laughed then stuck out her tongue as she walked through the door. "This is all your fault missy."

"My fault? So I'm simply supposed to ignore you when you're dressed in a dripping wet wife beater? I don't think so."

Laughing, JJ rolled over grabbing one of the pillows and hugged it. _This is really happening. I'm really with Emily._ Closing her eyes she inhaled Emily's scent on the pillow and relaxed as she never had before and quickly fell back asleep. She soon woke to Emily sitting down on the bed with two cups of coffee in hand. Sitting up JJ gladly accepted one and took a small sip. Looking up at Emily she could immediately see the wheels turning again.

"You think way too much, you know that? Where are you now?"

Emily nodded her head in slight agreement. "Well it occurred to me that at some point we need to leave here. " Emily rubbed her face and tried to blink back the tears forming at all the thoughts that ran through her head while she prepared the coffee.

"So you are actually starting to like being in the woods?" JJ was a bit confused.

"No. I mean this is nice and all but that's not what I was really referring to." Pausing for a second Emily continued. "You need to get back to work, and I…. I don't know what I have. I mean there is so much. How am I going to tell the team? My mother? What do I say? And the paperwork to bring me back! What about my job? I'm probably in some pretty deep shit with the Bureau." She sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "Where am I going to go? I don't have a home…."

"Emily stop!" JJ reached out and touched her arm. "Sweetie relax. There is a lot to consider but we don't have to solve it all today, ok?" Emily nodded. "Look, I have some time off so let's stay here the weekend and drive back to DC on Monday. Emily, you went through a horrible ordeal these last six months. I think you've earned a few days of relaxation. Besides I just got you back and I want you to myself for a couple days." JJ smiled but could still see the stress in Emily's face. She moved over toward Emily and set her mug down. Putting her arms around Emily she whispered. "We'll figure it out. You aren't alone with this. I love you."

Emily smiled and wiped her eyes. "I know. It's just so much to think about. So many people are going to be hurt and angry."

"It is a lot to think about so let me give you one less thing to worry about. When we get back to DC you are going to stay with me. "

"JJ, I didn't want to assume that. I certainly don't want to push you or do anything too quickly." Emily said slowly. "I'm fine in a hotel for a bit until I get things settled"

Pulling back JJ shook her head firmly and grabbed a strong hold of Emily's arm. "Emily! This thing. You and I." JJ waived her other finger back and forth between the two of them. "It's real and I'm not wasting another minute without you. It's not like we just met last week and we're pulling up the U-Haul. I have loved you and been in love with you for what feels like forever. People don't get a second chance to be together like we're getting now and I am not going to delay beginning the rest of my life with you. The rest of my life with you starts now. Today. Got it?"

Emily looked up and was surprised to see tears streaming down JJ's cheeks. _She does love me._

Reaching up to wipe the tears Emily spoke softly. "I want that too, Jen. I want a life with you and only you. "

"Well, then it's settled isn't it?" JJ pulled Emily closer and whispered. "I will be with you every step of the way. I love you."

They embraced for a moment then Emily placed both hands on either side of JJ's face pulling her in for a kiss. It was a kiss Emily hoped would convey how much she loved JJ. "What do you say we have some breakfast? We sort of missed dinner last night."

JJ smiled. "That sounds nice. Maybe a walk afterwards? I'm guessing we may not leave the house for the next couple days."

"What are you implying Jareau?"

JJ got up and pinched Emily's butt cheek. "I'm not implying anything. The facts are I'm in a lake house in the middle of nowhere alone with an incredibly smart brunette who is crazy, sexy hot. Not to mention the fact I absolutely love and adore her. Who wouldn't take full advantage of that? "

"Oh. Well maybe I should leave so you can be alone with this brunette?" Emily teased spinning JJ back around and into her arms.

"Prentiss if you are ever more than an arm's length away from me over the next 48 hours I will see to it that you spend the next month sleeping alone!"

"You wouldn't do that but you can't bet I won't take that chance." Emily whispered and captured JJ's lips with her own. "Thank you."

"For what?" JJ whispered.

"For saving me."


End file.
